Art Every Day - Day 30 - sketch

Today was busy again and I had to help my son on a homework project for his Spanish class, so I all I had time to do was a quick sketch this evening.

But I did it - Art Every single day in the month of November!

I am not done though. Even though the November challenge may be over, my art is far from done. I am going to try to continue with Art Every Day , maybe see how long I can go before I have to break the cycle for some reason. December is always a busy month, but I'm going to do my best. I have a lot of growing to do both artistically and internally and this is a good a place as any to document my creative struggles.

So here's to Art Every Day - Forever!!

My Son's homework project. It's cut and paste btw - we did NOT draw all of that! ;-)

Art Every Day - Day 29 - painting

I started a new painting today - actually a double painting. Its 2 canvas's that are going to go on either side of my dresser in my bedroom. It doesn't look it in the picture but the colors are actually teal and turquoise. It is not this blue looking in person.  Its going to be kinda abstract with navy blues and raspberry colors added as well to match my bedding and decor. This is just the first step.

Art Every Day - Day 28 - sketch

Heading out of town to visit family today -  so quick sketch this morning.

Art Every Day - Day 27 - Chakra's

Tip of the day - SAVE YOUR WORK AS YOU WORK ON IT!!!

I spent the last 2 hours writing out this post - and I don't know what I did - but I hit something - and it EFFING DISAPPEARED!!

It was done too. I was just proofreading and correcting. And it was a good one. It was beautiful. And now its gone. I literally cried. Now I have to start all over again. I'm so upset.

You know the only thing I can figure, is that post was not meant to happen the way it was written for some reason. I don't know why because I thought it was great. I don't even remember some of it now. Which sucks. I suppose that means something too. Sigh. Cant believe its gone.

Well, here's hoping version 2 is better.

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So I've been thinking a lot about my chakra's in the last week or so. Chakra's are the energy centers in your body. When they are blocked or out of alignment they can cause illness and disconnect. When they are flowing life feels good and easy. I first learned about them when I discovered Soul Art in May of 2014. I signed up to take a class on healing your chakra's thru art and Soul Art, but I have yet to embark on that journey because technically I need to finish the first class before I move on to the second one. I keep letting life and excuses get in the way of doing what I know I need to be doing with those classes though. But I think its become obvious that I need to start working on my chakra's now.

I've been doing a lot of inner work lately -reading about connecting with yourself, listening to my soul, and meditating. Journaling. Painting. Last year I purchased some Kundalini Yoga dvd's which help you connect to your Chakra's thru movement and yoga. I've been meaning to add them into my workout routine, so last week I pulled one of them out to do And I struggled. Especially during the first 3 chakra's. I just couldn't connect and get the movements right (especially during the freestyle parts - move however you want to move) and I was getting very frustrated and angry with myself. I just could not move. I realized at the time, I was struggling because I am severely blocked in those 3 lower chakra's. I've known for a year and a half now that I've needed to heal my chakra's, and throughout the week and especially today -  it has become clear I need to move that healing up to sooner, rather than later.


There are 7 Chakra's in your body -


1. Root Chakra — Represents our foundation and feeling of being grounded.

• Location: Base of spine in tailbone area.
• Emotional issues: Survival issues such as financial independence, money and food.
• Color: Red

2. Sacral Chakra — Our connection and ability to accept others and new experiences.

• Location: Lower abdomen, about two inches below the navel and two inches in.
• Emotional issues: Sense of abundance, well-being, pleasure and sexuality.
• Color:  Orange

3. Solar Plexus Chakra — Our ability to be confident and in control of our lives.

• Location: Upper abdomen in the stomach area.
• Emotional issues: Self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem.
• Color: Yellow

4. Heart Chakra — Our ability to love.

• Location: Center of chest just above the heart.
• Emotional issues: Love, joy and inner peace.
• Color: Green

5. Throat Chakra — Our ability to communicate.

• Location: Throat.
• Emotional issues: Communication, self-expression of feelings and the truth.
• Color: Blue

6. Third Eye Chakra — Our ability to focus on and see the big picture.

• Location: Forehead between the eyes (also called the Brow Chakra).
• Emotional issues: Intuition, imagination, wisdom and the ability to think and make decisions.
• Color: Indigo

7. Crown Chakra — The highest chakra represents our ability to be fully connected spiritually.

• Location: The very top of the head.
• Emotional issues: Inner and outer beauty, our connection to spirituality and pure bliss.
• Color: Violet

So as I said, I was struggling with my yoga and the first 3 chakra's last week. I know I am the most blocked in those areas - I've been lost and wandering (ungrounded) and worried about money, sex and relationship issues are on my mind constantly, And I've always had a severe lack of confidence and self worth. I actually have blockages in all my chakra's. The heart chakra is known as the bridge or transition chakra between the lower 3 (connecting with your inner self) and the upper 3 (connecting with others and the universe.) Love from the heart chakra is what binds everything together. But you cannot heal the heart or the upper levels without first healing the lower 3 chakra's. They are the root of all your problems and struggles. I know this and it is why my need to explore them has become strong lately. 

But did you notice something about the first 3 chakra's? Look at their colors. 

If you have read thru my blog at all you will note that the colors that have been calling me loudly since day 1 on here, the colors I dislike the most and have been needing to come to terms with, and the colors of the first 3 chakra's.......are one and the same. Red. Orange. And Yellow. 

Holy Shit! (as she picks her mouth up off the floor)

I literally just made this connection today. And it was a profound revelation for me.

Its no wonder these colors have been calling me so strongly. I hate yellow the most - no wonder my self esteem is so low. Not only have I needed to heal my discord with the colors themselves, but I am in extreme need of healing these first 3 chakra's and my connection to myself. 

Before I made this revelation I decided to do a painting honoring the chakra's today. I just wanted to do something quick and simple, so I took out a small 12x12 inch canvas. I painted the sides a deep dark blue, laid the canvas flat on a table, and then took high flow acrylics (which are like watery highly pigmented inks) and poured them on the canvas letting them flow into each other. 

I blended the edges together a bit just to cover any white space and tilted and turned the canvas a bit to aid in the blending,  but then set it down again to let the colors move on their own. Though I did turn on the overhead fan (on low) to aid in some airflow and drying.

 It was at this point that I made the connection of the colors red orange and yellow to my yoga struggles and chakra's, and decided I need to address it here. So I left the studio and went to my office computer to type this out. After about an hour I went back into the studio to see how the canvas was drying and what sort of magic might have happened with the colors blending into each other and this is what I saw -

Do you see it? I see what looks like a person without outstretched arms (a sign of freedom and healing) in the reds and oranges. I swear I had absolutely nothing to do with this. I didn't use a brush or my fingers or anything. When I left the room it looked like the picture above. When I returned this is what had appeared. Its as if the universe is giving me a sign that I am on the right path in my healing and self discovery journey. I could not have intentionally painted a better chakra connection painting if I'd wanted to. And the red is super strong, overtaking the whole painting  begging me to start my healing.

Another profound sign for my Soul. 

Profound. 

I really don't know of a better word to describe some of things I have been going thru and discovering about myself and the universe. Every time I do something Soul Art wise, or any kind of soul connecting for that matter - the messages I receive and the things I learn are just simply....profound.


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End note - So I finished round 2 and it might honestly be a bit better than my first draft. I hit publish, and the list of all my posts came up. And guess what was there - my first draft! WTF?!! It was gone. But now its back? Sigh. I don't get it. It wasn't there before. Oh well. This one is better anyway. Slightly different, but better. ;-)

Art Every Day - Day 27 - Chakras

Connecting with my chakra's (sources of energy within our selves) has been on my mind a lot the last week or so. I first (really) learned about chakra's a year and a half ago when I found Soul Art. Thru reading Laura Hollick's blog posts and learning of the second class she offers in Soul Art dealing with Chakra's, I discovered that a lot of my issues within my self have to do with my chakra's being blocked. I promptly signed up for that class as well as the first one - body-mapping, which is about finding your voice as an artist thru listening to signals from your body. I knew when I signed up that the chakra class was the one I needed the most. However it is in order for a reason - and you must do the first class to get to the second. At least you should. I have access to all the information on the chakra's class but I have denied myself looking at it because I have not finished the first class yet. (that may change now) I made it thru the first class to the point that I needed to start working with other people - teaching them how to do body-mapping - as the point of the class is not only to connect with yourself, but to help others learn to connect with themselves. Once I have done that, and finished the class, I will actually be certified to teach Soul Art. For me though it is more of a personal journey then a teaching journey, but it is a great bonus to have.

Full disclosure - The reason I haven't finished the class is because I have few friends and have no idea who I would teach this too. I've been scared to approach people and open myself up like this. I fully believe in it - it has been a profound experience for me thus far - I just don't have the confidence in myself right now to talk about it and show others how to do it too. I know that is part of the journey I am on, I just keep letting life get in the way and finding excuses not to move forward and finish it. But I'm working on it.

I've been doing alot of soul searching the last few weeks. Reading about and trying some meditation. Journaling. Last year I bought some Kundalini Yoga dvd's which are about connecting with your chakras thru yoga and movement. Last week I pulled one of them out and did it - And I seriously struggled. Especially on the lower ones. There are seven chakras -

1.  Root Chakra — Represents our foundation and feeling of being grounded.

• Location: Base of spine in tailbone area.
• Emotional issues: Survival issues such as financial independence, money and food.
• Color: Red

2. Sacral Chakra — Our connection and ability to accept others and new experiences.

• Location: Lower abdomen, about two inches below the navel and two inches in.
• Emotional issues: Sense of abundance, well-being, pleasure and sexuality.
• Color: Orange

3. Solar Plexus Chakra — Our ability to be confident and in control of our lives.

• Location: Upper abdomen in the stomach area.
• Emotional issues: Self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem.
• Color: Yellow

4. Heart Chakra — Our ability to love.

• Location: Center of chest just above the heart.
• Emotional issues: Love, joy and inner peace.
• Color: Green

5. Throat Chakra — Our ability to communicate.

• Location: Throat.
• Emotional issues: Communication, self-expression of feelings and the truth.
• Color: Blue

6. Third Eye Chakra — Our ability to focus on and see the big picture.

• Location: Forehead between the eyes (also called the Brow Chakra).
• Emotional issues: Intuition, imagination, wisdom and the ability to think and make decisions.
• Color: Indigo

7. Crown Chakra — The highest chakra represents our ability to be fully connected spiritually.

• Location: The very top of the head.
• Emotional issues: Inner and outer beauty, our connection to spirituality and pure bliss.
• Color: Violet

So as I said I struggled a lot during the moves in my yoga dvd for the first three chakras. It was very frustrating for me, and I knew I was struggling because I am severely blocked in the first 3 - I feel lost and ungrounded and worried about money, Sex and my connection to others is severely lacking right now, and I have low self esteem. All things I'm trying to work on - I NEED to work on, but I am struggling with. I am actually blocked in all 7 of the chakras. The heart chakra is known as the bridge or transition chakra between the lower 3 (which are more associated with your inner self) and the upper three (which are associated with your higher self and connection to the universe). But its the first 3 that typically need the most work when you are feeling out of sorts - you cannot reach the upper levels without healing the lower levels first.

Look at the colors associated for those first 3 chakras. If you have read thru my blog at all you will notice that the colors that have been calling me extremely loudly since the beginning of this blogging journey,  the colors I have been struggling with and do not like much, if at all, and the colors of the first 3 chakras......are one and the same. Red. Orange. And Yellow.  

Holy Shit.

It literally just dawned on me this afternoon. 

No wonder red orange and yellow have been calling me. Not only do I need to heal my discord with the colors themselves, I need a lot of healing in those chakras. Another profound realization. 

I'm telling you - this Soul Art stuff is......profound. I don't know another word that fits for what it is showing and doing to me. Crazy? Unreal? Unbelievable?  All of those fit but ultimately its just......Profound.

Before I made this connection today I decided to do a chakra painting. I think its quite obvious to me right now that I need to embark on a chakra healing journey. So I decided to do a painting honoring all of the colors, before I start at the beginning with the first one. 

I just wanted to do something quick and simple so i took out a smaller canvas - about 12x12, and decided to use some high flow acrylics. They are very watery high pigmented paints almost like a slightly thicker ink. I painted the edges a deep blue color, laid the canvas flat on a table and just poured on the colors letting them flow and run into each other. 

After a bit of blending and picking up the canvas to tilt it and move the colors around, I set it down to let the colors do their own thing. I turned on an overhead fan to help the paint dry a bit because its extremely wet as you can see in the picture. It was at this point that I made the connection to the chakras and my dislike of red orange and yellow, and their need for healing, And the yoga struggles I faced. So I left my studio and sat down at my computer to write this blog.  I've been in my office here for probably an hour or so. I decided to go back in and see what magic the flowing paint had evolved into as it began to dry. Do you see it? 

What looks like a person with arms outstretched has appeared in the reds and orange. I swear I had nothing to do with that. When I left the room it looked like the painting above. Once again it feels like a sign from the universe that I need healing and I am on the right path. I dont think I could have planned a better painting for my chakras. 

Art Every Day - Day 26 - coloring

A little Thanksgiving coloring between cooking and baking and eating!

Happy Turkey Day!

Art Every Day - Day 25 - sketch

Short on time - quick sketch today.

Art Every Day - Day 24 - sketch

Busy day - quick pencil sketch - gotta run!

Art Every Day - Day 23 - coloring

Busy day today - and busy week this week - but I had to do something.

Had a few minutes to spare waiting on someone this morning - so I colored a picture in a coloring book! ;-)

The rest of this week is gonna be similar most likely. At least its something artistic!

Art Every Day - Day 22 - 'Patience'

Finished my first big detailed canvas painting tonight.

'Patience'

30x40 acrylic on canvas

The Heron is significant for me in that it is my spirit animal. I learned about spirit animals in May of 2014, a month that began the current path of awakening for me - finding my voice and listening to my soul, as a person and as an artist. I was going thru a lot of emotional stress and frustration that particular week, and the Heron showed up for the first time in a huge way. It flew up out of the median of the freeway I was driving on (what in the world was it doing in the median of a freeway?!) - almost hitting the car in front of me. My breath stopped in that moment. And then I watched as this bird used everything in its being to lift itself up and over not only that car - but the semi truck in the lane next to me - and fly away.  It was an unbelievable, yet deep soul reaching experience to watch unfold. The messages there were profound for me.  However, even though I recognized it might be my spirit animal - as I drove on, the doubt and negativity crept in, and I brushed the Heron away - not believing it was speaking to me. After all, I have seen herons many times in the past and they'd never spoke to me before. In hindsight though I realize I was not open to the messages, to the signs - I was not in a spiritual place of acceptance back then. My awakening had only just begun that week.

Anyway, a half hour later, 30 miles further down the road - another Heron flew in front of my car again (this time higher up away from cars) - as if to confirm that yes - It was a sign meant for me. This time I accepted it and thanked it, and couldn't wait to get home and look up what the Heron meant. You see every animal has a meaning, a message they are trying to convey to us when they show up in our lives. Sometimes the message doesn't make sense and may not be meant for us. But most times there is a message - if we are open to the idea of it, and accepting of it. Most animals have several meanings you may need to filter thru to figure out what the right one is for you at that time in your life when it appears.

The Heron's main meaning is patience. If you have ever watched a Heron, it will stand in the water in one spot, for a long period of time. Watching. Learning. Waiting, for the right moment to grab its dinner and be on its way. The Heron is also a big bird standing on long skinny legs -  meaning you can still be strong and powerful even if the legs you are standing on seem weak. It is a pillar of strength.

Patience is the main lesson I have learned from the heron. That particular week as I said, I was going thru a lot, I was frustrated because my soul had been awakened for the first time, maybe ever, and I wanted to go in one direction but life circumstances were forcing me to go in other directions. I was angry, I was falling apart. I was fighting myself internally, constantly, and I was miserable. That first day the Heron showed twice. I read and learned about it meaning, accepting the message. Or trying to.So I thought. I evidently wasn't doing a very job of it though because the heron showed itself again to me a day later. Then again 2 days later. And again the day after that. 5 times in a week the Heron made itself known to me. At that point I finally calmed down, accepted things in my life as they were at the time, because it was all I could do, and learned to be patient.

A few days later I had to go out of town for the next 6 weeks on a job (part of my frustration) and I never saw the heron once while I was away, despite being near the ocean. The day I came home, I felt the frustrations begin to return. The anger begin to seep back in. I hadn't even been home a day when standing out my driveway, I look up.......and a heron flies over my house. It was if it KNEW I needed it. The universe could FEEL that I was beginning to lose myself again and let the stress in, and it knew I needed my spirit guide to reassure me that I needed to be patient. That things will unfold when they are meant to.

This is also when I adopted my mantra that - if something is meant to happen for me, it will happen when the time is right. That has gotten me thru a lot of trying times. I have seen the Heron several times since then but not as often as that first week. Not since I learned its lesson.  Now it is just a reassurance that I am on the right path, and to be calm.

So last week as I was frustratingly trying to figure out what to paint for over 2 hours, and nothing felt right, I stopped and turned around in my chair in my studio. I was looking around and noticed the picture of  Heron I have on my bulletin board - a reminder of my spirit guide. And the painting that I needed to manifest finally came into focus. I have been trying to force these ideas in my head onto canvas before they are ready. When I do try to paint them, I am trying to rush through them so I can move onto the next one, and I get frustrated because they aren't turning out right. Even doing the color studies I started with at the beginning of the month - I rushed thru them so I could get my art done for the day and could move onto the next and get closer to finding my voice.

But the Heron once again stepped in and said - be patient. Take your time. Your paintings are not working because you're going to fast. You are not ready for them yet. Slow down and put the time in.

So that's what I did. It was only right that my first slow detailed painting be one that honors my spirit guide. It has not steered me wrong yet. I am the one fighting me. The universe is guiding me, I just need to slow down and listen.

Be Patient.

And so "Patience" was manifested. I felt very calm doing this painting for the most part. Yesterday my energy was off and I struggled to get very much done, but today I finished it well, and I am happy with the result. I have always been a fairly patient person, but the lessons Heron has taught me in patience have been lifesaving.

Next time an animal crosses your path, even if its in a magazine or on TV, pay attention - it might be trying to tell you something, especially if you see it more then once. If you are open to it. You can have more than one animal guide too. I have several including donkey, hawk, and ferret. I saw a ferret 3 times this summer at the park I walk at. It was very strange to see a ferret there - just running across the path ahead of me. One time though, it ran right towards me on the side of path and passed right on by next to me, not a foot away from where I stood, before turning into the brush. It wasn't scared or anything, I just stopped and watched it. I knew then it was meant for me. What is even more strange is that weeks later I filled out one of those online questionnaire's (just for fun one day) that will tell you what your animal totem is. It came back as the Marten. I didn't even know what a Marten was - but in doing further research on it - guess what? It is a cousin of......the Ferret!! How crazy is that!  So the ferret had messages for me this summer too.

Animals will come and go in our lives but there is always a message they want you to know - if you are willing to listen.

Art Every Day - Day 21 - painting

Got some more of the background done and the log in the foreground complete today.

Lost my mojo though, so that's all for today.

Art Every Day - Day 20 - painting

Progress on my new painting today. Got a lot of the background done.

I'm happy with it thus far.

Art Every Day - Day 19 - mural

Today I finished the mermaid. She was made to look like the little girl whose room it is in. And she requested it be green and purple.

And here is the surf board I adjusted yesterday to be more girly.  I added the Coco Beach sign today as well (a pirate ship used to be in this space). The girls nickname is Coco.

Here is what those walls used to look like when it was a boys pirate room.

So a good day of  Art and mural work. Tomorrow I plan on getting back to my painting I started a few days ago.

Art Every Day - Day 18 - mural

Today I was back to work. I am painting for a new client - but on an old job.

 9 years ago I painted a new house for a friend of mine. The house is huge and  beautiful, and enchanting, and every little detail was thought of to match each themed room down to the faucets and cabinet knobs. I painted murals in all 4 kids bedroom suites and attached bathrooms. The themes were Alice in Wonderland, beach/ underwater ocean, Candyland, and a jungle. I also painted the main powder room to look like an English countryside - it was beautiful, but I sadly discovered today that the the previous owners ( the ones in between my friend, and the new owners that moved in this week) painted over it with an ugly solid green color. Heart breaking.

Its very difficult for me to see my murals painted over. If someone other than me has painted over it - its not quite as bad, as long as I didn't see it happen. But if I have to paint over it - it kills me. All that time and hard work......just gone with the stroke of a brush.  So sad.

Anyway, when my friend moved out after 5 years, the next owners had me come back and make a few adjustments. They had a young boy that was moving into the beach room, which was originally a girls room - and had a mermaid. He didn't want a mermaid - he wanted a pirate. So I had to paint over the mermaid and make it a pirate. That was the first time I'd had to paint over my own work. I think I cried as I covered up the mermaid. I really liked her. At that time I also added a pirate ship and changed a flowery surfboard to boyish stripes, along with a few other small things.  Here is the original mermaid and the pirate that replaced her -

So this week, as I mentioned,  the house changed hands again. And a young girl is moving into this room, again - so guess what?! Yep - I have to paint over the pirate and make it a mermaid again, get rid of the pirate ship, and make the surfboard flowery again. Haha! Sigh.

Strangely, I did not have a difficult time today painting over the pirate. I mean I loved the pirate. I was very happy with him I finished him. So I thought I might be sad again, but I was okay. We said our goodbyes as I made him disappear, but no tears were shed.;-) I think maybe its because I am restoring the room to its original theme, and that just feels right. The mermaid will be different, made to look like the little girl moving in, but it will be a mermaid room again.

So I covered up the pirate ship today, and I repainted the surfboard as well - but I forgot to take pictures when I left. The pirate is gone, and the mermaid is sketched in - she will be painted tomorrow. I did get a picture of that, though I have fixed the rocks already so the boot and treasure chest are gone now.

So that is today's Art of Day. Finished mermaid coming up tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Art Every Day - Day 17 - supplies

Some girls buy shoes. Some buy the latest fashions. Me? I buy art and craft supplies. I'm like a kid in a candy store. Sigh. A somewhat expensive candy store. But the money I save on shoes and fashion sure helps out in my arts and crafts obsession. Sheesh, could you imagine if I was a shoe girl AND an art girl? I'd be broke for sure. But at least I'd look good! ;-)

I realized last night as I started this latest painting I did not have all the colors I needed. When I first stocked my new studio space a few months ago I mostly bought the colors that were speaking me - my favorites and some basics. I didn't go super crazy because art supplies are not cheap. I figured when the time came to expand my palate for a particular painting - I would get what I needed then. Well "then" - became today. You might have guessed by the base colors I used yesterday that this painting will involve nature and greenery. I have a few green colors - but not the full variety of shades I need. I told myself as I walked into the art supply store today that I was going to be good and only get what I REALLY needed - some greens and golds/yellows and a few others I am running low on. I knew I wouldn't listen to myself - but it was worth a try. I started off good, until I noticed the sale signs. Sigh. Why does there have to be a sale?! Some of the paints were discounted. Brushes were discounted. And canvas was 50% off!! That's what got me. These giant canvas can be $50, $70 $100+ each depending on the size and quality. So half off?!! Hard to pass that up.

So my quick little trip to pick up a few colors resulted in this -

Just a tiny bit more supplies then I had planned on getting. Haha!

But really mom - I NEEDED them!!

Ohhhh kay......maybe not ALL of them, right now, today.  But,  I WILL use them all! I swear!!


 Someday. ;-)


And now I'm stocked up for those long winter's nights when its too cold to go out and do anything - besides paint! So see - it's okay! I was thinking and planning ahead!

I'm pretty smart!


Sooooo anyway.....yeah. My art for today was stocking up on supplies. A VERY important step - hard to work when you don't have all the right tools.

Art Every Day - Day 16 - struggle

I've been struggling a bit today - with Art and Soul. Just been in a weird place. The morning started off okay, then dipped way low. Been doing a lot of inner soul work lately, learning about limiting beliefs holding me back. And while I've identified a lot of them, and I understand what is going on in me (most of time anyway) - I am struggling to let them go, or accept that they are lies and should not control me. And I fell right back into the trap today -I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. Everything HAS to be perfect! Why can't I do this or that?!

I've been wanting to start several paintings lately. But every time I sit down at the canvas......they won't come. Sometimes I just try to mess around - like the red orange and yellow piece I did over the weekend, Other times I need some fuel.  So then I do some research.....I look at images online, and sayings, trying to find something that sparks me and says Yes - this is the direction! This is how I start! And then I turn back to the canvas trying to bring on the good vibe and......... nothing. I can't seem to actually pick up a brush and start. Or, I can't find that spark I've been looking for, and I try to go on with it anyway, but I still sit here...... with nothing happening. Or not happening well. Like I thought it should.

And I know exactly what the problem is. The problem is - the image in my head is not ready to be birthed yet. It's not the right spark or image. Its not ready, or I'm not ready. I'm not open enough to it. I am still too blocked with years of shit and negativity and disbelief and self loathing. I am not in a trusting place. Trust that I can do this. Trust that the image will come when I pick up the brush. Trust that I am worthy enough to create it.

And so I struggle. Internally. And externally. What we are inside - is what we project outside. I am lost and confused and depressed and have feelings of unworth. And it shows on the outside. And I know they are all lies. I KNOW they are lies. They are 35+ years of  beliefs I have come to associate as who I am. I wasn't good enough as a kid - so I must not be good enough now. That person doesn't like me or want to talk to me - so why would anyone else want to like me or talk to me?  That painting didn't turn out so great so why would I think the next one will? All these thoughts are lies. It's all bullshit!  I know that. They are just thoughts and I am being a victim to them. These thoughts are not who I am. I am beauty and light and love. And a little bit of quirky craziness. I know I am these things - I FEEL them deep down inside of me. But I am afraid to let them show most of the time. I have such a deep need to be liked and accepted that I'm scared of showing my true self for fear I won't be liked. Which is stupid. I know I shouldn't care what others think. But so many hard lessons in my life have ingrained these beliefs in my DNA. And its really hard to remove and change your DNA. But that is what this journey I am on is all about. I'm not trying to change myself per say, I am just trying to bring the me I know exists deep inside - the REAL me - to light, and let go of the false negativity that has been my guiding force for what feels like forever.

 My whole life has been spent trying to be what I think others need me to be - good enough for my parents, the perfect mom, and wife, and friend. A people pleaser.  And I've ignored myself and my own needs and wants - put them on the back burner until I can maybe find a few minutes to squeeze me time in. Doing so without guilt is rare though. And its been harder and harder these last few years to be all these things I am not, or really don't want to be - to wear this mask hiding the real me. I'm not perfect but I damn sure try to be, and I hate myself when I'm not. And that's just wrong. It's my thoughts trying to control me. My Soul has been screaming at me inside, especially the last year and a half. Its been hard to breathe. To function. I've been at war with myself inside - wanting to be me, NEEDING to be me and to find the real me and bring her to the surface,make myself a priority for a change, yet still be all things to everyone else and not disappoint them.

I reached a breaking point this year, and have finally taken the steps I needed to take, for me - to become me - the me I know I am inside. But its difficult. And I struggle everyday. Art is a big part of this journey - finding my voice, my calling. But I'm struggling with it too. I took on this Art Every Day journey in hopes it would force me be creative and find my way to my artistic voice. But part of the problem is, I want it now! lol. I want to create these masterpieces now! And I get frustrated when they won't manifest. And I start the depressing cycle again. I know these things take time. And I just need to slow down, and breathe, and be in the moment. Whats meant to happen will happen - when its time for it to happen. That's my mantra. I just have to keep reminding myself of it. All day. Every day.

So today has been an internal struggle for me. So much so I actually had to go take a nap for a bit because I just couldn't deal anymore.  When I got up I came into the studio.....and here I've sat for over 2 hours trying to figure out what to do. What to create. I think I have finally decided on a subject. a good one - the right one. But its not going to be a quick painting. This one will take some time. It DESERVES time spent on it- more than a few quick hours so I have something to show.  But seeing as its after 7 pm already - I may not get enough done to show here today. Though I suppose there are 4+ hours left in the day, so we'll see.

I guess my point in this post today is that - art is not always easy - even for an artist. Just because I have a natural talent, doesn't mean I can whip up something out of thin air at a moments notice. Sometimes I can. But more often than not - it takes thought, planning, researching, preparation, and frankly - ya just gotta be in the mood too! Especially when it comes from your soul. I have to force myself to paint all the time when it comes to murals and doing commissions for people. I don't always like the subject matter, or want to paint or draw some days - but in order to get paid, sometimes I have to suck it up and just do it, or I won't be paying my own bills. But when it comes to painting what I want to paint, painting from my soul, even when its calling me very loudly to do so - it still can be a difficult journey to take. Today has been one of those days.

But I'm working on it. :-)

And I will do something artistic today - I've made the commitment to. I just need to give myself a little push.

Stay tuned.



8:15 pm  - update - I have blocked in the background base coat. This is going to be a rather large detailed acrylic painting. My first of this caliber on canvas.  30"x 40"  This is all I will most likely get done tonight as it needs to dry. But I am excited for it. The subject matter is near and dear to my soul (more on that at a later date) - which is probably why it is coming easier to me right now, and feels right to be doing. Finally.   My week is busy though from this point forward, so I will not be making major progress on daily basis. But that's ok - its a lesson in patience - which ironically is what I have decided the name of this painting most likely will be.

Art Every Day - Day 15 - painting

I made a few adjustments to yesterdays painting. I'm a bit happier with it. Just can't decide if I'm done or not, so I'm gonna leave it alone. For now. Sometimes you just have to stop and not push it - just let it be and let it tell you what else, if anything, needs to be done to it.

So it is what it is. For now.


24x30 acrylic on canvas

Art Every Day - Day 14 - painting

Today I wanted to work on a painting. It was one of those - I have no idea what I'm doing or how this is gonna turn out - kinda paintings. I just sat down at the canvas, decided I was gonna use red orange and yellow (still trying to work with these 3 crazy colors).....and here we are.


I am showing my process as there were several layers and turns of the canvas. I don't think its done yet - but its very wet right now and probably needs another hour or so to dry, so I'm not sure I'm going to make any more adjustments tonight.

Art Every Day - Day 13 - STRONGER

It's Ironic that today is Day 13 in my Art Every Day plan. 13 is my favorite/lucky number. Odd that a lot of people are superstitious of a number - maybe that's why I like it. Something about that draws me to it I think - its power over people that make them afraid of it. Its just a number. I'm sure there are tales out there about its power and why it is considered bad - but in the end it is an individual thing - like Art is. It only has the power that we give to it. It is as good or bad as we perceive it to be. For me, it is good and brings me luck and strength.

So it was ironic that I woke up today and had the vision to paint this quick little painting, then sat down to write this blog and realized it was the 13th. Its even Friday the 13th - a VERY superstitious day for some people.

But a good day for me. In fact as I'm writing this I'm feeling the energy of it start to make me stronger. And it all started with this painting. Crazy how the soul works sometimes - gives you exactly what you need, when you need it, and don't even realize you need it, til you have it.

This week I've been up and down and up and down emotionally. I'm going thru a lot of personal growth and transformation in my life. Some moments are good, others not so much. But I know every moment is leading me down the path I am meant to be on and I have to go thru the lows to appreciate the highs when they come.

Last night I was feeling low, after feeling good during the day. I almost forgot to do my post here yesterday. I was already in bed and realized at 11:45 I had forgot. Thankfully I had taken a picture of the mural quotes I had worked on so I was able to whip out a quick post and stay on track. Then I went back to bed with tears in my eyes, willing myself to let some shit go.

When I finally drug myself awake this morning I was reflecting on my low thoughts and attempting to set them aside. To move on and take the next step I need to take - even if its just getting out of bed and trudging thru the day. I have several mantras I use right now, the main one being - If its meant to be, it will be. But the other one I've been calling on a lot is - I am Stronger. I am stronger than my negative thoughts holding me back and bringing me down. I am stronger, and I can do this - whatever 'this' is.

So as I lay there contemplating my day, and trying to keep the negativity from clouding me yet again, I started in with my mantra. Every negative thought that appeared I said - STOP, I am stronger than you! This is not me, this is just a thought, and a negative one at that. I am stronger than that. I am stronger than I think. I know it!  I AM STRONGER!!!!

And then this painting popped in my head. A blue and teal background (my colors) with orange (my long lost, and new power color) letters. So before I did anything else I headed into the studio and whipped out this little gem.

I am strong! It's Friday (hello weekend!) the 13th, its my lucky number day, the sun is shining, and every day I grow stronger and more powerful in who I am as a person, and as an artist.

The good things are coming. I can feel it.

I AM STRONGER!

Art Every Day - day 12 - mural

Whoops - almost forgot. But I'm gonna make it just in time!

Here is part of what I did today - another quote.

Art Every Day - Day 11 - sketch

 Ran out of time today so did a quick pencil sketch. I made the commitment to do art every day - so I had to do something. :-)

I have this blank sketchbook called 642 Things to Draw - every page has random things written on them for you to fill in. So I flipped thru it and picked something easy I knew wouldn't take much time  - a dolphin. Its ok - would be better if I had more time - but I was short on that today. At least I did something though! Day 11 complete!

Art Every Day - Day 10 - Mural

Today I worked on a continuing mural project for a client. I have been adding little things here and there throughout their house. I wrote a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote above a table and framed painting, and added swirling grasses and leaves and flowers on either side, and along the bottom of other areas of the room as well. I forgot to take a picture before I left, but this picture is from a different location in the same room I had done previously. Same design. I used wall paint for the mural part, and paint markers for the quote.

Art Every Day - Day 9 - PURPLE

Today was purple's turn.

Purple was my favorite color thru the later half of my childhood and adolescence, replacing orange from my early years. Purple was my grandmothers favorite color. She died when I was 8 years old from pancreatic cancer. That summer before her death we went for a visit and spend a week or so at my grandparents house - they lived in Oregon and I grew up in Michigan. She was a very talented artist as well, and from whom I inherited my talent from. That visit I barely left her side. And while I don't really remember anything we talked about or did specifically, other than making her recipe of potato chip chocolate chip cookies (which are awesome and the only way I make chocolate chip cookies to this day!), I did know she was dying and this would be the last time I'd get to see her, so I stayed close that visit. I do remember that. She had a love for Asian art and decorating, and the colors red and purple and some gold were prominent in her decor. For me though it was purple that I clung to after that summer after her death. And even though I was young when she passed , it still affected me - It was my first experience with death - and adopting the color purple on her behalf was a comfort to me and a way to memorialize her.

While my grandmother paired her purple with red (an odd combination that I do not particularly like) and she leaned towards a more red violet version of purple from what I remember-  over the years my favorite shade became a bluer version. Periwinkle (a lighter blue purple) and rich deep indigo purple are my favorites. They just feel warmer to me than a red violet does which sounds strange since red is a warm color and blue is a cool color. Purple is like a perfect balance between the energy of red and the calmness of blue.

Today I used 2 versions of purple acrylics - Wisteria (lighter red violet) and Dioxazine purple (darker blue purple) As well as black and white. 9x12 canvas


Adding the white to the wisteria made it a light lavender color. I don't mind lavender as a color, I do love the smell of the herb though and have used in my garden for years. It such a calming scent, and it is a calming color too. But its also kinda lifeless to me - the lighter it gets.  The wisteria, again not my favorite when purple leans towards a red violet. However the rich Dioxazine purple - I love! Probably because rich navy blue is my favorite color, this version of purple speaks loudly to me as well. Adding the black reminds me of a night sky when the stars are just starting to peak out and twinkle.

Purple is a very rich royal color. It is most often associated with royalty. It is luxurious and magical and mysterious. Lighter versions are feminine and romantic, Dark versions are powerful yet also gloomy.

Another contradictory color in its various states.

Art Every Day - Day 8 - BLUE

Day 8 has got the blues! ;-)

Its such a calming, melancholy kind of color. Blue is the sky, and blue is the ocean, and blue are your eyes, and blue is my mood. Sounds like a song - I'm blue, duba dee duba die - haha! My kids used to love that song! Okay, okay - I did too back in the day. It's got a great beat!

Blue is the most popular/ favorite color in the world, especially among men. It has a quiet strength to it. It looks good in any shade. Light blue is representative of baby boys, its soft and endearing.  Bright royal blue is lively and energetic!! Dark navy blue is powerful and commanding - a toned down version of black!

Navy blue is actually my go to color. It is one of favorites. It is my grounding. I look awesome in navy blue and wear it several times a week. It gives me strength, because I look and feel good in it. It also gives me comfort when I'm feeling down, for the same reasons. Light blue I am not a huge fan of. I think for me its just too soft - I need my blue to be strong and dominant. Bright/royal blue I like well enough, but prefer a darker version, or a purplier blue even. 

For this color painting I once again used a 9x12 canvas and the acrylic colors - swedish blue (a medium blue) and phthalocyanine blue (green shade) which is a darker royal blue, plus black and white. I wanted a full range of blues for this one so I chose to use 2 blues. And since blue is most often associated with the sky or water, I chose to paint in a wavy watery style. 

This is probably my favorite of all the color studies I've done thus far. Probably because blue is my favorite color of all that I've done so far. Makes sense. Just looking at this painting makes me want to go sit by the ocean or a lake and listen to the waves and ripples of the water. There is nothing like the calming sounds of water. I love the sound of rain - I know rain its not really blue, but its still water and has that calming, washing your cares away feeling, to it. Sigh.

Blue is a cool color, but it makes you want to cuddle up and be content too, probably to get warm from its coolness lol. This painting reminds me of the ocean - adding the white at the top is like climbing out of the deep dark cold murky depths of the water (where I added the black at the bottom), and reaching for the sunlight. So I suppose the darker the blue, the colder/harder it is, the lighter the blue the warmer/softer it is. 

I guess I've never really paid attention to how contradictory colors are within themselves. But then that's all part of why I'm doing these color studies - relearning the depths of each color, and how they can be used .....everywhere. Working with color everyday in mural painting you would think I am very familiar with how to use them. And to a degree I suppose I am. But since starting this Art Every Day month - I'm learning things I guess I really haven't paid that close attention to before. 

And that's the whole point.

Can't wait to see what the rest of the month will bring! Stay tuned!