Venus and the spark she lit.

The Venus de Milo statue. Graphite and Charcoal

This morning I pulled a card with Venus on it. It got me thinking about these ideas I've had for some paintings of women in their power. I have a painting with a woman whose head is thrown back, arm raised, just loving life. I called it Come Alive and it feels like ME - inside, at least who I strive to be. I've been wanting to do more paintings like it with other female figures and I felt that spark this morning to explore that. So I began by searching Venus Woman in google today. Of course this statue popped up. One of the lessons in the Art Mastery Class I've been taking has you drawing a statue very loose and gesturally - so I decided there was no better time than the present Venus was offering me. This drawing is the result. Its mostly graphite (including water soluble graphite) and a bit of charcoal. I'm pretty happy with the way she turned out. 

Afterwards I began researching more women figure images to design some paintings around. While doing that the idea of a series came up. I'm taking a year long class (for the second time - first time was 5 years ago) that is called Reclamation. Its about learning and reclaiming who you are. Each month is a different theme. So I thought it would cool to create a series with women centered paintings around each monthly theme. The challenge being finding that perfect image to represent each theme. Thus the researching. I'm also doing some writing to go with it. I'm pretty excited about it so far. We'll see how it goes over the coming months.  

 

The beginning of a new Journey

 I haven't blogged in years. I actually forgot I have 3 different blogs until today. 4 now that I decided to start this one. New stage of life - new blog. 😀 I've resorted to journaling and writing just for me the past few years since I stopped blogging. Actually I haven't even done that for quite awhile, I've mostly been processing internally. I had a personal journal I would brain dump into on my laptop pretty regularly - that is until my laptop died last May and I lost it all. That was a sad day. But also felt like a sign that I was holding onto too many wounds I would relive over and over again by rereading old journal entries. So the Universe said here, we'll help you let go and move on - and It killed my laptop and I lost everything on it. Ugh. The pictures and most all of my art/mural research I was devastated to lose, but the journal, strangely, felt okay to let go of. A relief in a way. I got a new laptop, but I only started journaling again in it last week. It just wasn't calling me until now. And I only started writing in my painting records notebook I keep to record the journey of each piece of art I create last week too - journaling about my recent struggles with my dormant creativity. I'd forgotten I used to keep those records on here tho too - on my other blogs, and how much writing and getting the stuck energy out helps me process and center again. I'd also forgotten how good (if I do say so myself lol) some of my writing is, looking back at some of my old blog posts today - my words even made me cry a few times, and it sparked this renewed desire/need to document my art and soul journey again. So here we are. We'll see how long I keep it going this time. :-D

What led me here to my old blogs today, was that I sold a painting yesterday. For the first time (that hadn't been commissioned). A deeply personal one to me. The first detailed fine art painting I'd done on canvas since my school days. The first meaningful painting of this current phase of my life. The first animal that ever spoke to me in a spiritual guidance way and that has been with me the last 7 years I've been on this awakening journey. The Great Blue Heron painting I called Patience. And I knew I had documented our story somewhere. I searched my Facebook page, found the painting, but the story wasn't there. I figured I had probably lost it on my old laptop. But as I was scrolling thru some of the other paintings I'd posted on Facebook, I found the link to my blog I'd forgotten about. Searched thru it and sure enough - there was the whole story. Then I read other stories and poems I'd shared. And my Soul began saying - you need to do this again. You need to share your journey, your art and the stories behind them again.

So welcome to my art and soul journey! ( Just a warning - I tend to write a lot.😁 )

The last couple years since I moved to Charlotte I have been busy traveling out of town, for a few personal reasons but mainly for mural jobs - gone for months on end each time. I have been out of town almost longer than I've been home. I have literally been across the country and back again - from Cape Cod to Montana, to Seattle and down the coast to California, then back across to home in North Carolina, up to Ohio and Michigan and down to Florida, and back to Boston and Cape Cod again. Driving the entire time, because I have to take all my paints and supplies with me. Its been fruitful, but exhausting. When I am home, I just want to be HOME. I really have not gotten out and explored this new territory I now live in at all, nor have I really established my mural business here, because it seemed that every few months I was leaving again (and something always made me hesitate too.) My good friend here has a painting business as well and I began teaming up with her and started painting cabinets to help make ends meet between travel times. Its good work and fairly easy for me and I don't mind it. Murals are also fun and fairly easy for me. I grow and learn with every job I do because there are always challenges of some sort to work thru. But, it is a lot of long days and physical labor - climbing ladders and scaffolds, balancing, reaching, bending, carrying, standing for hours, days, weeks and months on end, and tons of mental concentration especially with murals. Unfortunately I'm not getting any younger either, (dang it.) And more and more my body is giving me big neon signs that I need to make some changes. Stop this line of work, or at least cut way back, and go in a new direction.

This Friday March 19th, will be 12 years since I had my first SCAD heart attack. I had 3 more over the following years. (Neon signs #1-4 that have led me to my current path.) And while I've learned to work with my new limitations, my heart has permanent damage that causes me to get tired more quickly. Then this past December I had half my right lung removed due to a cancerous tumor. (Neon Sign #5) So now my breathing capacity is diminished too. I had several complications from it including a broken rib from the surgery that still bothers me, had to have 3 liters of fluid removed in 3 separate procedures that continued to collect in my chest, and pretty sure my vocal cord was damaged from the breathing tube too as three months later  I continue to cough and choke every time I eat drink and talk. (Neon signs #6-10 telling me to SLOW DOWN and that I really need to consider this new direction thing it keeps whispering/yelling to me about. Like, NOW. ) My recovery is still sloooooowwwwllyy ongoing and its been frustrating not being able to function like I am used to. I've had little choice but to go slow.  I honestly don't know if I will be 100% again. I hope so, but like my heart I'm sure there will be new limitations with my lung I will have to learn to adjust to and work around. 

So I cant help thinking there are all these giant neon signs telling me its time to stop the physical labor. To do something else now. Because I'm really struggling to do what I used to anymore. Not just physically, but mentally too. Physically and mentally right now I need a lot of rest days. I know that is partly due to my surgery recovery, but its also coming from my Soul. My Soul is tired of doing what we are doing. I feel so much resistance to doing murals and physical paint jobs nowadays. But, I also need to pay my bills and that is how I currently do it. So there is a big tug of war going on between my Soul and mind right now, between what I want and what I need, between what is known and unknown, between what I should do and Must do. 

I am someone who believes in Woo and magical things and connecting to the Universe.  I feel and hear the whispers of my Soul, see the signs from the Universe and messages from spiritual animal guides pointing me in new directions - someone who asks for guidance, and receives it. It may not manifest in the ways I want, (dang it again!) But it always does in the ways I need. And lately they are all saying - slow down, be still and quiet, be soft and gentle, take your time, listen, follow what feels good and exciting, be in flow, go inward and connect, center, ground. Just BE. Lately what feels good and exciting is sitting on my back porch, watching the birds and squirrels, staring into space, and just BEing in nature. Also reading and working thru things internally. I feel like I am/need to be in hibernation mode right now. That my being is shifting and evolving and rising and needs time to quietly process all of that. And when I try to push myself to work and get things done - my Soul (and body) throws up big walls of resistance and I get upset and frustrated that I cant seem to get anything done! But I'm learning its because I'm just not supposed to right now. I am still healing, my body needs more time. My Soul needs me to connect to it and then follow the path I know I'm meant to be on. And that path is slow and meandering right now. The only way to follow your soul  and truly know what it is saying, is to get quiet and listen. Often. So that is where I am.

My biggest struggle currently is that my creativity seems to be cocooning as well. In all this slow quiet evolving time - I should at least have energy to draw and paint right? HA!! Evidently my creativity is doing some quiet soul searching as well. 

 The heart of my Soul, the very essence of my being is Love and Creativity. I am here to create things in my own quiet, unique, magical way, and I have blessedly been given the talent to back that up. I KNOW with every fiber of my being that I was born to create artful things. That I am here to live a creative, passionate, authentic Soul fulfilling life. So the answer to my physical labor conundrum (so I keep hearing from inside me) is to become a studio artist. To stop going outward so much, and go inward. To create (draw, paint, craft, form, build, invent etc) whatever wants to come out of my soul, at home, in my own space and studio. Then share it with those in the world meant to connect to it. And mentor along the way (this part is just beginning to build in me. If you are familiar with Human Design its actually part of my design - I am here to create my own version of heaven on earth and share what I know with the world, to become a mentor/role model/master of my craft after the age of 50, which by the way is drawing very near. Not sure how that will look yet, but the thoughts and ideas are swirling).

But my creativity doesn't seem to want to play right now. I go in the studio with every intention of just playing with paint - no expectations, no pressure to create something amazing that will make me money.....just have fun and see what happens. Well, nothing is happening. I sit there for hours looking for that spark, for the colors that want to play, for an image that wants to materialize, for.......something. Anything! I force myself to start something hoping the very act of starting will propel me forward......and it ends up looking like a muddy mess. Or I get halfway thru and the inspiration and momentum just stops, my shoulders and head drop, and I have to walk away from the easel. I have a dozen or more half finished paintings I cant seem to complete, and nothing new wants to come out either. I am completely blocked. (And my bank account and ego are very frustrated with me.)

Be still. Be quiet. Slow down. I hear.

You HAVE to Do This! Do That! How will you pay your bills if you don't Make Money!! I also hear.

You will not become the highest version of yourself that allows creativity and abundance and beauty and magic to flow easily in, if you don't get quiet and LISTEN and BE what you are meant to be.

Um, but, hello?....$bills$?!!?!

And so the tug of war continues. But I'm working on it and beginning to gain the advantage. Because I know the correct answer, the right way for me. Ego and my bank account are just going to have to learn that they are not the boss of me.😉  That there is more money inside of me, than I will ever find outside of me, because IIIiiii am the source of creating everything I desire. I just need to believe in ME.

I've known for years now that selling my art is part of my future. I've said almost as long that I'm going to open an online shop to sell my art. But I still haven't. I love to create - but selling.....uhhh no. I am not a salesperson. And shipping? How do I ship art?! And prints? how do I do that?! How do I get good pictures of my art?! and taxes and marketing and building a website, and social media, and all the other businessy things???!! I DONT KNOW??!!!! Yes, I know I can learn all that stuff and I'm probably making it harder than it actually is but honestly - I don't wanna know how to do it all - I just want to create! And communicating with people to do any and all those things?!! Ugh. I'm SO not good at speaking. Writing and typing, yes - I can text and type all day long. Its my preferred methods of communication.  But actually speaking to someone, and talking about....me? my art? pricing and business stuff, anything really??!....uh uh. No thank you. Do I reeeallly Haaaaaave to?! Sigh. My emotions are very raw and real and close to the surface, all the time. I tear up or cry at everything. Good, bad, happy sad - I feel it all. I am very empathetic and a very deep thinker, but a very awkward and uncomfortable speaker. Especially with tough and personal/ emotional conversations. I don't like showing my emotions like that and stumbling over my words when I speak, which I so often do, and feel stupid about. I don't want to sound stupid and all discombobulated and possibly embarrass myself. So unless I feel safe, confident and comfortable enough to use my voice, I tend to be very quiet.

And that's okay. It's who I am. 

 My point being tho - I know that in order to make being a fine artist successful and supportive for me - I'm gonna need to speak up. Right? I need to become visible, make my art visible and make my voice heard in some way. Because no one is going to buy anything when they don't even know I or my art exists, right? I see what other artists do on social media. I watch their videos, see their daily posts, their workshops.....they do So much! Selling and marketing and sharing. All. The. Time!  And that scares me. I cant do that, how do I do that? I'll never be successful like they are! I don't want to do videos and talk on camera all the time. Or paint on camera.  I don't know how, nor do I want to do this thing or that thing, so how will this ever work?! How do I be successful like them???!!!

The answer is I'm not supposed to be like them. I'm supposed to do this MY way. 

I need to stop falling into the comparison trap and blocking my forward moving energy before I even start.

What the hell is MY way tho?! 

I don't know fully yet, and that's okay too. Its part of the process of evolution. My way is definitely quieter tho. My way will probably consist of sharing somewhere, in some way, my art and stories in written form of how my art came to be. My way also wants to have an amazing personal assistant/manager someday to free up my energy from stressing over the selling and business side, so I can just do what I'm here to do - Create. I create - they market and sell and ship for me. So Universe if you're listening, please bring me that perfect person who fits Me and can help do what I need. Sooner rather than later would be great!😁

In the meantime I will continue to listen to my Soul and be in the flow of each day. 

Yesterday the flow took a sharp fast turn when my friend showed up at my door saying her client wanted to see a few of my paintings. She walked in, took 3 of them down off my walls and left in a whirlwind. And I freaked out. Literally. OH. MY. GOD! I haven't priced these yet or prepped them for sale - how do I price them? I know she's gonna call me and ask a price. what are they worth? what am I worth? Do I price to sell or price what I think they're worth? WHAT ARE THEY WORTH??????!!!! HOW DO I DO THIS!!! I'M NOT READY!!!! I frantically began crunching different numbers. I broke down and curled up in a ball in a corner of the studio and freaked the fuck out!! I cant do this! How do I do this?! Can I do this?! This is what you want right? To sell your art? To stop the heavy physical labor, to be able to slow down and have your art support you, right? Well it starts here, right now, this very minute, with this piece and how you price it and move forward. Are you gonna undervalue yourself again, or be brave and confident?!  How are you gonna make this thing you say you want to do a success if you cant get your shit together, stand up, believe in yourself and and ask your worth??!!!!

The Universe was bringing me a hard fast lesson that's for dang sure! But it was also bringing me exactly what I'd been asking for.

In the end I did. I took deep breaths, aligned with what I knew felt good inside me, stood up and asked for my and the paintings worth. Actually I didn't ask, I Said what it was worth. Period. I shared a bit of the story I have with Heron with the client and why that piece means so much to me, and promised a printout of the full story. I thanked her for her interest in my art whatever she decided. And it sold! The client had connected to Heron as much as I did. 

And THAT is what I want. The connection - mine to my art and Soul, and the buyers to the art, its story and their own Soul. I want people to FEEL something from my art. Be drawn to it in some way that speaks to their Soul as well. Life is about stories and we connect to it and each other thru our stories.

I don't want to create art just to make money. My Soul will actually not allow me to. Money is not a motivator for me. (As much as I and my bank account would like it to be, haha.)  My creativity fights me when money is the goal, and I struggle to produce anything. I don't want to become a machine cranking out murals and cabinets and walls and painting after painting just so I can pay my bills and maybe if I'm lucky, afford a month long trip to Italy someday. I mean I do want to pay my bills and have plenty left over for my dream Italy trip someday - but THAT is not the main objective for me and creating.

I am here to live a Creative, Authentic, Passionate, Soul fulfilling life. Period.

THAT is my purpose in this lifetime. And I do that by living life to its fullest, and sharing my Soul art and stories.

Money is the by product of living my life that way. This is the lesson I am learning.

I know the pain and heartache and exhaustion of not listening to my Soul. I did it for years and years. Doing things for everyone else but me. Putting my needs last over the job or family wants/needs. Working my ass off giving 150% while undervaluing my time and worth, and disappointing myself and my soul in the process. (I am a recovering people pleaser after all.)  

But now it is time to do things MY way. To fully learn what MY way is. To allow my creativity to evolve with unconditional love and joy.  To stand up and stop shortchanging myself and my work. To know I am worthy, my art is worthy, and to ask for what I, and it, deserves. To listen to my Soul and Trust that the Universe has my back and will bring me what I need when I need it. Always.

Heron proved that to me yesterday. It's hard to let this painting go. But I also know I have to and that its going to a good home where it will be appreciated and loved. And that's important to me. Heron has been watching over me for almost 7 years now. He never steers me wrong. Teaching me Patience. Guiding me. Reassuring me I will be okay. Always. That the Universe is always watching and helping me.  I just have to Trust and believe in it. Believe in me. 

Heron needs to fly now so he can open more doors for me and watch over me as this next phase of my life cocoons and unfolds, and a new chapter begins. I'm not sure exactly what it will be about (that's the beauty and mystery of life), but finally opening an online store of some kind is definitely coming soon. Now that that first sale is done, I know I can do the next one, and the next one. I just need to be a bit more ready than I was yesterday haha. And if I'm not for whatever reason, I need to make sure to slow down in that moment, connect to my Soul, and step into my worth. 

Our Souls always know the right way for us. We just have to listen.💖

If you'd like to read the story of my Heron painting you can find it here - 

http://beyondthecanvasohio.blogspot.com/2015/11/art-every-day-day-22-patience.html

Day 232 - Columbus Museum of Art

Today I took a trip to the Columbus Museum of Art to see the Picasso exhibit, and the new wing of the museum that opened last year that I had not yet seen. The new wing is beautiful. CMA is a smallish museum but it's a really nice one and it's right across the street from CCAD (Columbus College of Art and Design) my alma mater, which also has some nice galleries. Anyway, Picasso......his work is really not my thing. I can respect the style and see the uniqueness in it, but cubism and modern art is just not my thing. There was one painting that I was actually very much drawn to called Woman with mantilla (Fatma). It had a very impressionistic/pointillist feel to it and I loved the colors. I even liked the fact it was left unfinished. Impressionism is my favorite style of painting so it was fitting that I was drawn to it. That and the fact I could make out the subject matter (unlike the cubist style Picasso is known for). Unfortunately I could not take a picture of it directly so the pic below is off my computer.

My favorite painting of the trip was this monochrome teal green one below, found in another gallery. Teal is my color so once again, only natural that I would be drawn to it. Even more so since it has to do with Monet, my favorite artist, and his gardens at Giverney. You can read the story in the picture below. I'm in love with the way the water is painted showing ice and reflections so amazingly. I was totally mesmerized by it. Makes me want to attempt a similar painting of my own. Hmm.... I'll have to add that to my to do list. ;-)

I told myself I was going to make more Museum and gallery visits this year. So far I'm not doing so great on that. Need to pick up the pace. I did visit the Biltmore Estate, the largest house in the US, owned by the Vanderbilt family,  earlier this week on my way home from camp. There is quite the collection of art there, including a giant mural from Italy on the ceiling of the library, as well as amazing pieces of furniture. The architecture of the house itself is stunning. Even the property, the gardens, the fountains, the landscaping along the roads....all deserve a thorough going thru and appreciation. I was short on time but it's easily an all day visit kind of experience. Someday I hope to go back to spend more time.

Day 230 - the start of something new

I'm coming off a week of summer camp and personal development that has affected me in ways I cannot yet put into words. I'm still doing a lot of processing but one thing that became pretty clear is I have once again been letting the craziness of life get in the way of my souls calling. I have been torn and pulled in numerous directions the last few months and have been fighting myself trying to figure out which way to go - feeling out of sorts and depressed. I thought I was supposed to go in an entirely new direction in my life that had nothing to do with art. And while I do believe I am still supposed to do that thing on some level, it is not to be at the level I was so extremely stressed over achieving. Getting out of your comfort zone is a good thing as long as it is aligns with your purpose in life. This calling aligns, but on a smaller scale than I was pulled to do ( the extreme stress was proof that I was trying to do too much).  I am never as aligned in my world as I am when I am creating art though. Even when I have stress about it, I know deep down I know its what I'm meant to do. I never even made it to arts and crafts at camp (I had intended to, but I let other things pull me away from it once again), but thru journaling and a lot of silent time with my thoughts, art began calling me again. Its who I am. Its what I do. So why do I keep myself from it so much? Honestly - I think its fear. Fear that I'm not good enough.  Which is silly. Who says I'm not good enough? What is 'good enough" anyway?  Who determines that? Its all in my head that's who. Ego is a crazy bitch some days and I'm working hard at ignoring her. All she does is hold me back and I'm kinda done with that shit, pardon my language.  So I am committing to getting back into my art every day practice as much as I can. I'm not going to force it like I did earlier this year - if my day just doesn't allow time for it, then so be it.But no more letting weeks and months go by without creating from my soul. Camp was a life altering reminder to do the things I love and want to do, not just the obligations I have to do. hopefully soon the things I love to do will become things I have to do because they will be necessary to my survival, by putting food in my belly and a roof over my head. much more on this later.

I tried to post this a few days ago from my phone but for some reason it wouldn't go thru so I'm reposting it now from my computer. I painting this a few days ago - the start of something new.....


24x30 acrylic on canvas

Day 231 - Power, Purpose, Pleasure

I am posting this on the same day as my previous post but these paintings were done on different days, I just didn't get them posted in a timely fashion. This painting I did yesterday. As I mentioned, I attended a personal development summer camp for women last week through Stratejoy. The topic of the camp was Power (expressing your truth), Purpose (your inner truth's anchor) and Pleasure (doing what you like). These topics and the things we journaled about were actually quite difficult to think and talk about. There was a lot of confronting our inner selves and moving beyond our comfort zones. But through the tears and difficult tasks, we all emerged a little stronger in our selves. We left pieces of our selves that no longer served us behind (through a fire ceremony), and opened up doors to paths we hadn't realized we were meant to go down. As I said earlier, art once again became a huge focus for me. The calling is so strong right now I almost wish I didn't have to sleep or do other business stuff so I could just sit in the studio all day and night and create haha. So many ideas for paintings and other creative things in my head right now I fear I will lose them before I can create them. Since returning home I posted a few of my paintings in my camp fb group and they were very well received. Several people are asking for prints. Which is amazing, yet also scary. Its a direction I have wanted to go in, but have yet to do, once again because of unfounded fears. I have committed myself to the task now however. I have been researching the business aspects of printing and setting up an online shop all day today and hope to have that up an running here in the near future. It is scary to put myself out there, but it also feels like the next right step for me. It feels good in my soul - and that is my purpose - to love myself and follow my soul.

So this painting is in honor of my experiences at camp. The background I have been messing with and changing for several months now. You may recognize it if you have looked back thru my archives at all. I have never been happy with it and every couple months I change it again. I think there are at least 3 layers to it, each with a variation of a giant heart. It has been sitting in my studio waiting for the right moment to change it up again. The idea for this painting was actually going to be done on the other background I did in the previous post. But I was having trouble seeing it clearly on that background. Then I looked over and saw this "heart" background and knew this vision needed to be on this canvas. I love when visions and ideas come together at the right moment, with the right background.

Power, Purpose, Pleasure
20x20 acrylic on canvas

Day 229 - Source of Strength

S O S

Inside of me is a Source of Strength

I know it's there

I know it

So why do I struggle so?

When life has beaten me down

When I almost lost my life

My Source of Strength pulled me through

Source of Strength

S O S

My own personal life preserver

When the waters are deep

When the waves batter away at me

My SOS saves me

So why do I struggle so?

When the tough stuff happens -

Life or Death

Fight or Flight

Sink or Swim

I pull myself up and carry on

I survive

I am a Survivor

So why do I struggle so?

Day to day

Hour to hour

Moment to moment

I struggle

I struggle to smile

To laugh

To live

To love

I struggle to sleep

To wake up

To eat

To stop eating

I struggle to stand up and move

I struggle to sit down and take a break

I struggle to find my voice

My direction

My purpose

I know I am here for a reason

I know I have survived for a reason

I know I am an amazing being

Worthy of all the world has to offer

I know I have much to offer the world

So why do I struggle so?

When push comes to shove

I know I can dig deep

My Source of Strength will come through

And help me rise above

But where is it moment to moment?

Where is it -

When the tears are pouring down my face for days on end

And no one is there to wipe them away?

When the world is lonely and scary?

When the little things aren't so little

But instead seem like giants trying to crush me?

When the lemons have dried up and there is no possible way

To make lemonade?

Where is my Source of Strength then?

It is still there

Inside me

Waiting patiently for me to find it

Waiting for me to feel what I need to feel

Go through what I need to go through

Learn what I need to learn

To cry the tears that need to be shed

To fight the internal battles in my head

My Source of Strength is always there

Like good days and bad days

It has Strong days and weak days

But it is ALWAYS there

And on those weak days

It is Stronger than I realize

It is what dries my tears

And overcomes my fears

It is what gets me up and moving

When all I want to do is sleep

It tells me it's okay to rest

When life is out of control and I don't have time to

It helps me find new lemons

And ways to bring a smile to my face

It is what guides me in finding my voice

My direction

My purpose

My Source of Strength is the internal hug I need

To get me through the sad, lonely, rough days

The struggles are real

They will always be there

But my Source of Strength is real too

And ALWAYS present, even when it is quiet

I AM my Source of Strength

And I can do anything

Andrea Morgan  July 27, 2016

Source of Strength

Acrylic on canvas 24x24

Day 228 - painting

Boy it's been a while. Been on vacation and had a hundred other things going on pulling me in many directions. The call to create has been there but I've kinda been feeling in a rut lately. Still trying to figure out where I want to go with art. The logical thing is to figure that out on canvas, not in my head. But I just haven't been able to make myself do that. I follow a lot of other artists on Facebook, probably part of my problem - I need to stop comparing and getting stuck in the "I can't compete with that" mind trap.  Anyway, one of my favs, Flora Bowley, posted today - "when there are no words, paint it out." That statement pulled me into the studio just now and this is what came out. Not sure what it's saying, and it will probably take many more layers to figure that out. Or it might just stay as it is. I dunno. But I do know I need to get back in the studio again. I need to pull out my sketchbook and pencils again. Because I think this disconnect I have with myself and life is because I am not fully being me. Art is who I am and I've been letting too many other things pull me away lately. Need to stop that.