Day 230 - the start of something new

I'm coming off a week of summer camp and personal development that has affected me in ways I cannot yet put into words. I'm still doing a lot of processing but one thing that became pretty clear is I have once again been letting the craziness of life get in the way of my souls calling. I have been torn and pulled in numerous directions the last few months and have been fighting myself trying to figure out which way to go - feeling out of sorts and depressed. I thought I was supposed to go in an entirely new direction in my life that had nothing to do with art. And while I do believe I am still supposed to do that thing on some level, it is not to be at the level I was so extremely stressed over achieving. Getting out of your comfort zone is a good thing as long as it is aligns with your purpose in life. This calling aligns, but on a smaller scale than I was pulled to do ( the extreme stress was proof that I was trying to do too much).  I am never as aligned in my world as I am when I am creating art though. Even when I have stress about it, I know deep down I know its what I'm meant to do. I never even made it to arts and crafts at camp (I had intended to, but I let other things pull me away from it once again), but thru journaling and a lot of silent time with my thoughts, art began calling me again. Its who I am. Its what I do. So why do I keep myself from it so much? Honestly - I think its fear. Fear that I'm not good enough.  Which is silly. Who says I'm not good enough? What is 'good enough" anyway?  Who determines that? Its all in my head that's who. Ego is a crazy bitch some days and I'm working hard at ignoring her. All she does is hold me back and I'm kinda done with that shit, pardon my language.  So I am committing to getting back into my art every day practice as much as I can. I'm not going to force it like I did earlier this year - if my day just doesn't allow time for it, then so be it.But no more letting weeks and months go by without creating from my soul. Camp was a life altering reminder to do the things I love and want to do, not just the obligations I have to do. hopefully soon the things I love to do will become things I have to do because they will be necessary to my survival, by putting food in my belly and a roof over my head. much more on this later.

I tried to post this a few days ago from my phone but for some reason it wouldn't go thru so I'm reposting it now from my computer. I painting this a few days ago - the start of something new.....


24x30 acrylic on canvas