Soul Connection and Art

What exactly IS a Soul Connection?

Has a piece of art ever called to you? Like really pulled you in and mesmerized you? It occurred to me today after a conversation with a friend, that I may be assuming that everyone understands the concepts of ‘Spirit Animals’, ‘Soul Connection’, and ‘messages and signs’  like I do, and the deeper values and meanings they have within the art I create. But even I really didn’t dive into Spirit Animals or notice all the ‘signs’ I was getting until about 11 years ago. Before that I kinda sorta knew about them as a concept…but I didn’t KNOW until I experienced them in big meaningful ways, and learned more about them. So where I see a landscape that reminds me of that one place I visited that one time or maybe hope to experience someday..….or I see an animal that brings a smile to my face or it reminds me to dig deep and source my inner power……for some of you - you may just see another landscape, another abstract, or another tiger painting. However you see it is just right for you because Art is after all, a visual experience on the surface at the very least. You may like the colors in it. You may like the animal or subject matter. You may like the style. You may understand the deeper levels of meaning and messaging. Or….. you may not. Everything is subjective to the individual styles, tastes and the desires of your own being and spaces. My Art may or may not fit for you and your space right now….and that’s perfectly perfect either way. I’m just happy to share it with you and put it out into the world. Its all part of the cycle. We each know what speaks to us………or doesn’t. Be it Art, clothes, foods, places or things…..even people. THAT is what Soul connection is – being attracted to (or repelled by) things that resonate somewhere deep inside each of us on core individual levels. Its like the color yellow…..we all have opinions about it. Some love it, some hate it, and some really don’t care either way. (no opinion is also an opinion) Personally – I’m not a big fan of yellow. At times I’ve even hated it. With a passion. Its my least favorite color. I own zero clothes with yellow in them, very few things in my home are yellow…..it is just not a color I gravitate to in any way. Its often too bright, loud and obnoxious for me and does not look good on me. But….as an artist…..I also see its value. I need it in my creations. I do love very light, soft, paler versions of yellow, especially as an accent color enhancing the deeper jewel tone colors I often use. And it’s magic and worth cannot be denied in the beams and sparkles of sunlight highlighting elements and making a painting glow.  Years ago I forced myself to create several mostly yellow paintings to learn how to work better with this sunny loud color I had so much aversion to. And to my shock - several of those paintings actually sold. Of all the (in my opinion) dozens of much “prettier” colored paintings I’d done, I thought for sure those yellow pieces would sit on my storage shelves the longest and eventually get painted over……but I was proven wrong. Some people DO Love yellow. It connects to THEIR Soul.  It has a deeper meaning and draw for them. It brings some kind of magic and comfort and joy to them. Probably in the similar ways blue teal and pink combinations bring joy to me.  Or reds and golds and even black bring to someone else. THAT is Soul connection and what I mean when I talk about Sparks of Soul - those things that light you up. It’s a deeply personal, individual feeling and knowing of – I LIKE THIS.  Or - I do NOT like that….and then following where that like or dislike leads to, or away from. We all like what we like for a deeply personal reasons. Even if we don’t know what that reason is at first glance. We just know what we like or not. And just to note - our personal likes and dislikes do not make us ‘wrong’ just because others around us don’t feel the same way about a thing. We may all be connected in commonality as a species, and to something bigger than us we don’t fully understand…..but we are still individuals within the collective with our own thoughts and preferences. We are our own Soul trying to find our way in the world through the choices we make. We are allowed to like what we like and have different opinions than others. It doesn’t make one of us wrong and the other right….it just makes us different. It’s what makes this journey uniquely ours. It’s what makes US as individuals special. So connect to your Soul and figure out what you truly deeply like. Claim it. Embrace it. Love it. Allow it to show you the way and truth of who you are. You don’t need permission to be gloriously YOU. Just BE! Live your magical life the way YOU want. Like what you like- unapologetically. Life is boring, stressful, confusing and dark when following in someone else’s shadow. Step out into the light and LIVE the colors of your Soul. Surround yourself with it. Wear it. Decorate your home and office with it. Explore more of those Soul Sparks. I guarantee you’ll find more Joy and Peace in your life when you do. From my Colorful Soul to yours, Andrea P.s – I’d love to know what colors actually Do spark your Soul and why – hit reply and let me know. I would love to connect with more of you on Soul levels and hear what draws you to my art and messaging. And you can totally tell me if yellow is your color – I promise I won’t hold it against you.  ;-D Maybe I’ll write a series on the meaning behind colors coming up – what colors do you want to learn more about? P.s.s - More on Spirit Animal connections soon too, and how my Soul Connection with them came to be a big part of my creative life. Is there something on these topics, or a particular animal you’d like to know more about? Let me know so I can address it in the future too. Have a Magical Soul Connecting Day!

What leads to a spirit animal painting - the story of Wolf

A spirit animal connection for me tends to start with emotions or some deep thing I'm dealing with and needing to process thru.

Emotions were strong with me yesterday. 

I made the mistake of looking at the analytics for my website Tuesday night, after Monday's launch of my new collection. My CMO daughter yelled me for that a bit later lol, because at first glance they were.....not good. As far as I could tell there were only 12 sessions.....and 6 of those were me working on my website. 

Seriously? After all the work I'd been putting in for weeks and countless, sleepless nights...only 6 people had looked at my website?! Wtf?

So I had a meltdown that night, and it carried over into the next day.

Because I began to question everything - should I Really be following this ArtnSoul path, especially at this moment in time? Should I just go get a fast food, cashier, or stocking shelves kind of job instead to help make ends meet? 

What the heck am I doing?

The first spirit animal painting I ever did was of a heron back in 2014 - MY spirit animal. Heron had shown to me in a massively profound way in the span of a week, and has been guiding me ever since teaching me calm and patience. Every time I would get frustrated or confused or stressed that my path was keeping me from Art or the desired way I wanted to go, it would show up to say - you're okay, you're heading the right way, just hang on......good things are coming...what you want is being set up for you. 

So I would take deep calming breaths, come back to my center, and keep going. Keep striving to someday have the time and space to fully step into the full time artist path I've been aiming for my entire life.

Fast forward to yesterday - and ALL those old fears and doubts and stresses that have off and on plagued me most of my life were showing up again going - WTF are you doing?? You're being irresponsible. Who the heck are you to think you can take this path - see....no one is even looking at your website! You need to go get a job so you can be a responsible adult - I know you think you can be an artist but seriously......Art is not the way. No one is buying anything.....you're never gonna be a success. You don't have what it takes. 

Ugh I hate those voices.

When I get like this I tend to do several things to find my way out of the downward spiral. Mainly I cry....a lot. I know its better to process your emotions and feel ALL the fucking feelings rather than bottle them up or ignore them. If you don't feel them they just build inside you til they become released in some other way - thru outbursts, or addictions, or negative patterns and habits. Ignoring your hurts only hurts you and maybe those around you too in the long run. 

So I do a lot of feeling my feelings....I cry, I get angry in a pillow, I sometimes swamp - releasing emotions thru movement of your whole body. I also will meditate and journal and try to reconnect to my heart and Soul. Journaling is a big one for me - there is something about writing that just allows things to come up and out you didn't even know were bothering or affecting you. Its like the pen has a mind of its own when you journal. It's been one of my best practices for working thru tough situations in my life and I highly recommend it. 

I also turn to the "woo" - the metaphysical for guidance. This is where spirit animals often come in for me. And messages from the Universe. A lot of times signs and messages show up in the real world - an animal crosses my path, a quote or video shows up when I scroll social media, a see a profound billboard while driving around, hear a lyric in a song....messages are everywhere.

But I also have many oracle card decks I look to for some guiding wisdom too. I always do yearly and monthly card pulls.  I aim to do weekly and daily cards too, but when life is busy and messy I'm not always consistent with those. I know they are there tho when I need them and whatever card I pull when I do, is exactly what I need to hear, even if it makes no sense when I first pull it. Sometimes the message is obvious, other times it takes some analyzing and sitting with to find the meaning in whatever situation I'm dealing with.

Case in point - yesterday I turned to the cards during my meltdown. Am I being irresponsible? Is this my correct path - pursuing full time art? What about my bills? What message do I need to hear right now Universe? What do I need to know?

And the card I pulled - from a deck that mostly features women in the images......was a Wolf. 

Its message for me was - Get enough rest. You will find a way thru tricky situations. Tune into your instincts and trust the timing. Stay focused but flexible. You have the skills to handle this path. Your resourcefulness and capacity to meet your needs is greater than you realize. You WILL find a way thru. Stay the course.

And then as confirmation, throughout the rest of the day, every time I opened social media......there was wolf again......a random post of a wolf sanctuary I've never heard of, another video with wolves howling, an image of a wolf in a background.......

I never looked up the meaning of the wolf after I pulled that card (which I often do when an animal shows, but I didnt yesterday), and I never even said wolf out loud, so it wasn't the algorithms tuning into my voice or searches.......it was the Universe tuning into that connection of my energy and the card,  and bringing me more confirmation that wolf's message in that card was indeed meant for me to listen and hear. 

This is how I KNOW when a spirit animal is speaking to me and its message is one I need to trust in. It shows up multiple times in multiple ways with wisdom I needed to hear. And yes, I have gotten messages I've not wanted to hear, or had been trying to ignore - like face your fears and do the thing you're scared to do...you WILL still be okay. 

So I'm staying the ArtnSoul course, but being flexible in how it unfolds. If not now....when, you know? When I'm much older and slower? So why not now. 

I'm trusting my instincts and all the messages that tell me this is my correct path. It's been what I've wanted my entire life and what EVERY SINGLE SIGN the last few months has been telling me to follow. The Universe has completely cleared my schedule and is giving me this time to really focus on my art and build my desired life....that's how I see it anyway. It's telling me to trust I will be supported and will receive exactly what I need when the time is right.  

Along the way when those fears and doubts show up - because they always do again at some point -  I know they are just testing me to see how bad I want what I want. Do I REALLY want this Art path I say I do? Yes......Then prove it. Fight for it. DO the work. Keep going.

If I go get a regular job somewhere out of fear and discomfort....what is that telling my Art? My Soul? 

Fear is a great protector, but its also a great blocker keeping you in what it sees as the "safe zone". But fear cannot see the potential opportunities and beauty on the other side if you just keep going towards what you want - it only sees what it knows, what is missing, what could go wrong. It has no faith or trust. 

But I do have faith and trust. I KNOW I will be supported for following my Soul's calling because thus far - I always have been. It may not be exactly the way I want, but its exactly the way I need. 

So today - I painted Wolf. Because I can. Because its guiding me in this moment and calling to be created thru me at this time. Its asking me to trust and believe in my own instincts, my own unique path and to honor it. 

To continue to follow my Art.

So I took a background I already had painted from a year ago or so that felt like it fit the idea I had, and added the wolf in a similar style as the lion, tiger and bear paintings in my new collection - with some of the background showing thru the animal. Something is not quite right for me with this painting yet tho - I'm pretty happy with the wolf overall, and I like the background.......but together.....something is off between them. I'm gonna have to sit with it for awhile and wait til it tells me what it needs next. 

This is the process of my ArtnSoul.

Oh, and circling back - when I looked again at the analytics for my website since the launch - that number 12 I saw was just for part of the day on Tuesday. My actual number was 132 sessions on Monday, and thus far thru today there have been 249 looks at my website. Which makes me feel much better. Now to just convert more of those looks into sales......😊🙏

 Yesterday I awoke to an email notifying me I'd sold a painting. 😀

It was one of my older abstract pieces that to me, feels like gold in the the depths of the ocean. There's a quietness to it, yet also a lot going on.💙

It's always exciting to see an order come in, but especially when its a piece of original art I created that someone else connected with. There is nothing better than the acknowledgment that something you spent precious time on and created from your Soul is also valued by someone else.

Today I launched my new Spirit Animal collection of paintings and my updated website. While there are still some technical things I'm working thru, and additional parts to the site I've not yet finished.....I am very excited for this collection to be seen and these paintings to find their place in the world (other than in my spare room.) 

I'm especially excited about the Tigers. And the lion. I have not been THAT giddy and excited to watch a painting materialize as I was with the "Fearless" tiger in a really long time. I was practically bouncing in my seat with every brushstroke that brought him closer to life, and just filled with tears of joy and thankfulness oozing out of me for the ability to manifest it. It's by far my favorite thing I've painted to date on this fine art path, and I've painted a lot of things.

That painting inspired the "Courageous" Lioness and the bigger Tiger piece "Unstoppable", as well as the bear. Cuz you cant have lions and tigers without bears...oh my! 😉😄

And I definitely have plans for an even bigger tiger painting I cant wait to start working on - like I seriously just want to paint a giant wall sized tiger right now haha. And I want to paint other big cats too...cheetah, leopard, lynx......maybe an entire series of big cats. Who knows. Abstracts and trees are calling me right now too........

Which will win a spot on canvas next?! haha...stay tuned!

Everyday the muse brings tons of ideas that float in and out of my mind.  Some swirl around a bit then leave, others stay and swirl for years (like this Spirit Animal Collection has been) . I will never be able to create ALL the ideas I have.....I'd need many many lifetimes for that haha. But I am excited to see what grabs hold and wants to be birthed thru me next.

And that's what this creative journey is all about.....that's what life is all about right? Grabbing onto something exciting and seeing where it will lead next.......a new job, a new relationship, a new city, a new creative project....but it doesn't have to be big and loud and life changing to have an impact.... just sitting and enjoying the sunshine and breeze on your face is being in purpose too. 

Simple pleasures, big exciting ones, and everything in between.... they all stretch your horizons and help you find center. To guide you towards living in YOUR purpose. We are only here for a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. So its important to try to do as much of what we enjoy as we can. And yes, I know that's challenging in many ways for most of us at some point.....in many points (lets be honest here)....on our path. Universe knows I'm in the midst of some big trials and tribulations right now myself and trying hard to stay standing.

But if we allow those challenges to rule us.....we will miss the beauty and magic all around. 

And there is SOOO much beauty and magic and wonder in this world to see and experience.

I've spent the past week pretty much sequestered in my room at my computer preparing for this launch, so I cant exactly say I've been experiencing much beauty of late. Thankfully I have a desk set up in front of giant double window to look out so I don't feel totally stuck in a cave. But I also know all this work and staying up til 4 am night after night, has been a total labor of love. Because this is my passion. Where my excitement lies. Not so much in the days of computer and office work hahaha- but in that I know they are a part of bringing my creativity to the world. So the technical business stuff has to be done too. 

And all of it is leading to more of that beauty and magic and wonder. 

I mean its here now...I see it and I feel it when I take a moment to......I just want time and space for more of it. As often as possible. 

So I dance with the muse and I create. And I write. And I meditate. And I share. And I explore..... 

Speaking of which....its 64 degrees on this Ohio February day - a rarity for this time of year......So its time to leave my room and go out for a walk, and see what kind of beauty and magic I can experience in my own ordinary neighborhood today. Because things around us may seem ordinary, but if you look closer.....you might just find the magic too. 🌟

Sold painting - Golden Depths

Pipe Dream

 I have wanted to be a full time artist my entire life.

As a kid I spent hours looking at things. EVERY thing. Trying to figure out how to draw and paint that thing....from trees and flowers and people, to weird pipes sticking out of walls.....which I actually did draw in high school. There was this really random, uniquely shaped pipe in my high school art classroom sticking out of the wall by the ceiling. I stared at it all the time. So one day I decided to meticulously draw it for one of our weekly assignments. I mean why not draw a pipe right? haha. 

I spent days staring and drawing and shading that pipe to perfection. I was so proud of that drawing when I'd finished it. 

To protect pencil and charcoal drawings from smudging you typically spray a protective clearcoat on them. So after that last stroke of the pencil and careful brush away of eraser shavings.....I grabbed the clearcoat to protect one of the best drawings (in my adolescent opinion) I'd done to date. I just knew it was an A+ masterpiece ....as far as high school drawing assignments go anyway. ;-)

Only I had unknowingly grabbed brown spray paint.....not a clearcoat.

As those brown dots splattered and landed across my beautiful "pipe dream" of a drawing....my entire 18 year old self crumbled and about died. And I cried in the middle of that classroom. I had just ruined the best thing I'd created - the one thing I took solace in (Art) and that felt like was going right in my life....and I'd just failed it. Those emotions were additionally fueled by the painful homelife of the divorce my parents were going thru, and the boyfriend breakup I had also just been thru.....And yeah....that was not a good moment for me. 

In one push of a spray nozzle my world came crashing down around me in the middle of 5th period Art. 

As a born creative....I hated most of school academia...numbers especially. I typically love puzzles to solve....But I HATED math with a passion. I just did not get it and barely squeaked passing each year. And the rest of school ......rules and reports and tests and hours of studying stuff I didn't understand or want to learn about......just UGH! So I struggled with most academic type classes. 

But the Arts....ALL of the Arts.....from home ec to woodshop, choir to drama......those were my loves. I was drawn to anything that allowed freedom of expression and getting lost in my own world of creativity. In my junior year I'd made the decision to go to college for Art and focus on it career wise, so most of my senior classes were art based and independent study focused as I built my portfolio....and I loved it!

Annnnnd I'd just ruined my best portfolio piece.😭

But my art teacher came over and saw what happened, and hugged me and said...actually, its not ruined - its really not that bad and we can fix the parts that are. I think it looks really cool. It adds some subtle color and makes the pipe look kinda rusty and old.

 Ummm........what? How do you fix spray paint on a pencil drawing?

The spray paint nozzle THANKFULLY had been a bit clogged so it had mostly splattered little dots, more than being a big blob of solid spray. So as I dried my tears she showed me how to use the tip of an exacto knife to one by one carefully pick off some of the bigger dots from the board I'd drawn on...... but the rest she said to leave cuz they were barely visible at a distance and just added interest to the now mixed media drawing. 

Huh.

And I still got A+ on it. :-D

That day I learned that even when you do your best.....unintentional mistakes happen - but they can still be turned into something beautiful. You just need to dry your tears and see it from a new perspective. 

I also felt seen heard and lovingly supported by an adult.....something I wasn't getting much of in my life at that time. Rather than berating me and marking down my mistake, she helped me process and find a way thru it. God bless teachers. 💖

And THAT was Not where this blog was going when I typed the first line haha....I'd kinda forgotten about that story until I typed 'I stare at things like pipes' and it came up and this blog took a sharp turn. But I do actually stare at pipes, and interesting things and ordinary things, and piles of random stuff, and the way sunlight filters thru trees or between buildings and how shadows warp around objects...... It's who I am. My "artists eye" is always looking and trying to figure out how I would paint or draw that.....whatever.......What's interesting about that seemingly ordinary thing and would it make a good piece of Art?  Its a constant thought process for me. I'm always looking and staring and evaluating colors, and imagining how I'd interpret THAT on canvas or paper.

And when the spark is strong enough....I sit down at the easel or pull out my sketchbook. I've been doing a lot of that lately....painting and drawing whatever has been speaking to me. And now more than ever, I'm still striving to make a more focused living with it.

This past year has been particularly rough again for me tho. I won't go into all the details of it, but at one point last summer I found myself becoming homeless, jobless, friendless, moneyless and car-less all at the same time. When one domino fell.....the rest followed in a massive chain reaction until I was left on my knees needing to make some tough life altering decisions. Really I had very little choice.  Life was forcing me to clear out shit I'd long needed to let go of.... and pivot to make room for a new path.

So I left the beautiful state of North Carolina where I'd lived for 6+ years and moved back to Ohio and in with my sister and her family. I did miss being close to family, and I'm beyond thankful to have their loving support as I work on picking myself back up. (tho I gotta say I did NOT miss gray cold and snowy winters......man do I miss winter in the south now.)

Its been hard tho. All of it, but especially the loss of independence. There is some relief mixed in there too - so I know I'm on a better path for me now, but the underlying stress is still ongoing. Stress I've mostly been keeping to myself only sharing with those closest to me - it's felt safer that way.....or rather less open to judgement, pity and condemnation from others. But I also know help, and resources, and better things won't arrive if you don't ask for what you need, and speak up and share your story. Common stories and understanding are what bind us and show us we are not alone or the only one struggling with something.

As an oldest people pleasing child tho, asking for help is a special kind of torture to me - I just don't. like. doing. it. Its extremely hard for me to ask for help.  I "should" be able to do everything myself and figure shit out on my own........ But sometimes things are just too big to handle on your own. So I've really had to work thru a lot of those old traumas and belief systems lately and ask for the help I needed. Wishing and dreaming is great, but they are not enough to get you where you want to go. You've also got to align yourself to them with your actions. We are designed to live in community and need each other to best survive. We make each other stronger. And we learn and grow by sharing.

So this is me sharing where I'm at....open, raw, vulnerable...... and hopeful.......

As a 54 year old grown ass woman.....I feel deeply embarrassed to be where I am currently in my life - financially broke, in debt, most of my belongings in storage once again that I'm not sure I can even afford to keep paying for, and unable to support and live by myself right now. In truth I can't even pay my bills next week and I currently see no immediate incoming work or money to fix that. I'm doing my best to align to what I want and need, and I'm hopeful I KNOW a mural painting job will show up, or a piece of art or 10 will sell soon.  But at this moment its unclear when that will happen and that's scary as hell. I'm in a new city and no one knows me or my work enough to hire me here yet, nor do they know anything about my art yet.... and that takes time to build both online and locally. I haven't worked a "regular" job in over 25 years and I'm not really qualified for anything other than something with painting or some low level low wage position...so that doesn't feel like a solid option. Working for myself is what I know...it's what I need to do especially with my health history - being able to make my own schedule is vital for my wellbeing. But starting over is hard....so anxiety is doing a number on me. As are those moments of vulnerability and self condemnation that grab hold and say WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU - why are you here in this situation, and how the fuck are you gonna get out of it?! 

I've been ashamed, guilt ridden, and in depressed, anxious, survival mode what feels like most of my life, and I'm just so tired of the struggles and people pleasing. I'm tired of HAVING to do things I don't want to do and settle for less. I'm tired of overwhelm and not sleeping at night. I'm tired of hearing voices inside and out telling me I'm not good enough, I'm not worth that, I'm wrong for doing things the way I do them. I'm mad at our government and tax and healthcare systems - I haven't been to a doctor or dentist in years - I have insurance - with my health history I cant afford Not to have it in an emergency.....but the premiums and deductibles are so high I also cant afford to even go for well visits and add those hundreds and thousands of dollars of bills to my already strained finances too. Rent and food and everyday item prices are getting ridiculously high......yet wages are still low. People want and expect high quality work and products....but they don't want to pay high quality wages for it.....

WTF is going on in our world? Where is the work life balance and compassion for our fellow humans? The rich are getting richer and more controlling and the poor are getting poorer and more stuck. And I'm not even gonna touch the fear I feel about the next 4 years....things are getting scary and it's only been 2 weeks...... 

I want to help make the world a better place...I really do......but I can barely do that for myself right now. So I think I need to dial back in and start with ME first. Just REALLY focus on me and my desired path and purpose. I've been on this healing journey for years - done SO much work on myself and I've come a long way already, but there's still work to be done and improvements to be be made. I think the whole also becomes stronger when the individuals become stronger in themselves. 

So healing starts with us.

I feel like I'm a good and worthy and deserving person. I have worked hard my whole life at trying to do everything 'right', to keep my bills paid on time, to follow the rules, to help others and be supportive and do the best at what I can.....yet I still can't seem to come out on top. Or rather I can't seem to stay on top.

Yet. 

I'm not giving up tho.

Depression wants me to give up. To just let everything I've tried so hard to keep above water thru pain staking struggle and exhausting effort..... sink and dissolve away. 

Ego me is terrified of losing control.

Scared, conformist, play it safe me wants someone else to please just tell me what to do to fix things.

Heart and Soul me.......Just wants to create and be carefree. 

And therein lies my calling. My part of contributing to the whole in this lifetime is to bring more beauty to it thru my art and work. To make things look better. To add MORE color to the world - goodness knows we need color and creative freedom now more than ever when so much of it is being canceled and taken away. 

 I'm here to be unapologetically ME and share my experiences and interpretations of the world as I see it....the natural, the unique and the magical parts we forgot about. Magic is all around us, but we are so caught up in the hardships and everyday tasks of trying to get ahead and be better.....we are missing it. 

So my job as a creative is to be in my truth and birth more color and magic and reminders that beauty and wonder is all around us, for as much of the world as I can reach......

To build this full time artist life I've dreamed of my entire life...... since 18 year old me learned that mistakes can still be beautiful, and may in fact enhance the situation, rather than ruin it.

My physical body has also been telling me to lean towards this since my first heart attack 16 years ago, my 4th heart attack 8 years ago, lung cancer 4 years ago and a second ruptured disk in my lower back last year......each event slowing me down more and more...making the physical labor of doing the type of work I used to do....more and more challenging to go out and do. 

'Oh...you don't want to listen to heart and Soul and think this other way is better just cuz its comfortable and familiar to you.....well here's another health punch to slow you down.....here's exhaustion and stress and anxiety and flat tires and a broken car and another unexpected expensive emergency, and STILL not enough money despite all your hustling..... You listening yet?'

EVERYTHING - every sign and message and bit of guidance that comes to me in a myriad of ways lately and loudly....is telling me to slow down, step away from the old ways, stay home...and just create. Go be in nature, meditate, listen to your soul, build community, connect to the Universe, go with the flow, follow my passion and joy......just BE.....Me. That I WILL be supported when I choose my Soul path.

That THAT is what I'm meant to be doing.

So I started Art and Soul a few years ago in pursuit of that dream - my online store where I sell my Fine Art and products made from my Art in the name of following my passion. I have some pretty cool things to offer if I do say so myself - paintings and creations I've been super excited and proud of that spoke strongly enough to flow thru me and out onto canvas.  

But my sales have been few and my reach has been low cuz my focus has been unfocused and disproportionally divided - far too focused on the other type of work I've done in the name of paying bills, of which has monopolized most of my time and energy....leaving little left in me to do much of anything for my art. 

So it just sits here in a spare bedroom. Then I get desperate (cuz hello....bills, flat tires....) and I try to run a sale discounting prices hoping to sell anything.....which then cheapens and devalues the work.....and it still sits here unsold - cuz I'm treating it so badly.  I have zero idea how to market or audience build, nor have I had time to learn it, or had money to pay someone to help. 

I also have deep fears and childhood trauma about being seen and heard and judged....so no one knows me and barely sees me or my work. And the lack of sales then hits my self worth.....and so I disappear again hiding in debt, shame and self judgement.....

Sigh. 

I've been doing everything wrong.....and I know it.....I've been following desperation and struggle and money.... and not my heArt and Soul. 

My art DOES have value and is good....I know that. It just hasn't found its audience yet - that takes time and consistency to build and I know that too. I just keep giving up too fast and allowing outside forces to influence me and pull me away. There are billions of people in the world and I currently only have a few hundred followers, so I know I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of potential fans yet. I just haven't been able to focus to magnetize them yet. 

So I just need to keep going.

And this massive transition I'm in right now....in a new city and state where no one knows me or my work and thus jobs have not been showing up yet (and maybe they're not cuz that's the wrong direction now for me).....these months of time at home have been allowing me to rebuild and finally focus on my Art - the full time path I've been wanting and wishing and hoping I could follow someday.....

Well....someday is now.  

In a few days I am relaunching Art and Soul with a newly designed and updated website, more cohesive branding and a new series of paintings - mostly new ones I've done the last few months plus a few older pieces I'm reintroducing that fit the theme.  

And my pricing has all gone up to where it should be for fine art - no more listening to people's opinions who know nothing about art and are keeping me small. My talent and art is high quality and high value and has 54 years of experience behind it.....and its past time I stop treating it as less than.  If anything I'm still on the low side of pricing, but that's mainly because I'm still widely unknown. As my audience grows and my art sells tho, my prices will continue to increase...which means the value of my art will continue to increase over time too. (so get it now! wink wink) 

And my marketing guru daughter Kendra has blessedly stepped in to help me rebuild everything and take control of growing my audience and reach. She has designed an entire weekly by many months out marketing plan lol, so expect to see more posts, emails and blogs from me from now on too. Full time artist means regular and consistent visibility. (And if you like what you see in that aspect I can connect you to her as she is building a marketing business for herself too and looking for more clients.:-) )

I listened to a podcast with Kyle Cease the other day where he said something along the lines of....doing work just so you can get money to pay bills is basically like telling your Soul it doesn't matter. Ooof...that hit. I've been stuck in that for years. Doing misaligned work for money keeps one in struggle and survival mode, and from reaching their highest potential - draining you and keeping you from your hopes and dreams. But when you align to your Soul, to your dreams and follow what you love......you will attract more wealth and happiness from unexpected places and in ways you cant even begin to imagine. And I know that's correct....I've seen the proof in others, and in all the micro alignment adjustments I've made for myself in the last 10 years or so.

Every time I realign my world rights its self just a bit more. 

But I have yet to take the BIG leap. To go ALL in. I've been too afraid about those dang bills and what if I cant pay them. Well, here I am.....I cant pay them right now. So I either go back to what I've done before and do something just for money to pay them...OR I leap and trust that the net will show and there is MORE money and goodness on my Soul aligned path like I keep being told and guided towards then I will find anywhere else.

So......I'm leaping.

 I'm stepping all in to being a full time artist and following my Soul. Its both exciting....and terrifying....

But I KNOW I have the talent to make this a success, I just need to believe it and in Me. 

I'm trusting the Universe and the constant signs telling me...Go THIS way. Stop delaying and waiting for a better time. The time Is NOW. You WILL be supported. Trust and Believe. This is NOT a "pipe dream"....its YOUR dream - the one you've wanted and asked for your whole life....This is YOUR Unique purpose and path.......and all those "mistakes" and mis-steps and challenges were just necessary steps leading you here - ready to finally embrace your aligned path. 

So stay tuned to see how this all goes.

And in case you were wondering....I went to storage and dug thru my high school art box to find the pipe drawing 18 year old me did - see below. I still think its an A+ drawing.😁 Its hard to tell cuz I did a pretty good job with the exacto knife...but the brown specks of paint are still there if you look close. I also forgot I had entered this piece into a scholastic arts award show at the encouragement of my teacher - the entry form is still taped to the back of it. I didn't win anything that I remember...but it was still good enough for an art show...mistakes and all. More proof of rising from the proverbial ashes so to speak. What seems like a mistake to one person, can be beautiful to another....its all about perspective. 

I Believe in Magic

 

Goodness its been a long time since I’ve written here in this blog. A lot of changes have happened in the last year or so – unexpectedly having to move last summer, not finding a new place in time and having to put EVERYTHING (including all my art and supplies) in storage, and spending 6 months sleeping on an air mattress living at a friends house with her and her family. 

Which meant I had little space to create or continue to run my ArtnSoul business from during that time.

Which is hard on someone who identifies as an artist here to create.

But I’m finally back in my own space and beginning to dive into Art and Soul once again.

Hooray!

I love a fresh start and blank canvas! 

But those often come with a lot of old and leftover baggage. I want everything to be different and better and to be a financially successful full time artist (Now!) I have evolved a lot in the last year and feel closer than ever to making my dream life a reality. But many things are still the same, I'm just experiencing them in a new location.

Especially regarding who I am as an artist.

On the path to finding my artistic voice and style, I have gone thru many evolutions - the academic learning phases of my youth.  The craft show phase of my early twenties - sewing and creating all types of crafts in all types of mediums and forms mixed with random paintings. The commission phase - drawing and painting house, pet and people portraits. The Mural and faux finishing phase - painting in homes and businesses across the country. And the lifetime phase of creating whatever Sparks my Soul -  landscapes, seascapes, realism, caricatures, abstracts, collages, mixed media, murals, woodworking, pottery, furniture and cabinet refinishing, faux finishing, concrete painting.....you name it, I've probably at least tried it in some way.

But I have yet to land on that "thing" that feels like a YES! This is it! This is ME! This is what I want to create and dedicate all the rest of my time and skill to and be known for!

It's something I've struggled with the last few years a lot, especially as a now single person needing to support herself.

Most artists seem to have that signature style, or color palette, or subject matter you can look at and say - oh I recognize that - that's so and so's art. They're known for this (thing). They have this unique way of doing that thing they do.

I have a few favorite colors and things I like to do - but mostly I still feel like I'm all over the place.

Still playing and trying things out, experimenting with colors and subjects and surfaces. I enjoy creating drippy, splattery, blendy abstracts. I love rich blues, pinks and teals. I love building and putting things together. I'm pretty good at detail work - to me it's the details that make a painting (or thing) magical. I pride myself, especially in the murals I do, by adding those finishing little touches that make it pop.

I love creating that magic.

And yet, I also don't know what that magical 'thing' is for me in my fine art. Is it abstracts? Colorful landscapes? Spirit animals? A blend of things? What things? Is it building something - what? Is it creating a book, a card deck, different products with my art on them? Which direction do I go in? One way, or all of the above? How do I make what I create uniquely ME? And what "thing" will best help me support myself that I also really enjoy doing day after day after year?

What IS that magical thing that says - oh, I recognize that - that's Andrea's Art!

This has been my biggest and most pressing conundrum. One that continues to weigh on me.

My good friend recently told me that I am the magic in my art.

I am the only one of me and the only one who can do what I do the way I do. That alone makes what I do unique and magical.

I am the Magic.

Hmmm. Am I?

And according to my Manifesting Generator Human Design type - it is correct for me to have many projects and directions going at the same time - not just be focused on one thing, one style, one subject.

Well that's cool. But also - not exactly helpful. 

Is it?

Hmmmm again.

Being all over the place doesn't seem to gel with what's "typical and expected" in the art and business world though - Find one thing and do it well. 

But then again we artists are known for following our own beat and NOT doing what's expected or conforming. 

That's where the unique magic is in each and every one of us, artist or not, right?! Marching to the beat of our own drum. Following our own Soul's calling and guidance. ;-)

So maybe my "thing" is just continuing to experiment with all types of art and colors and subjects - whatever Sparks my Soul in a given moment to create. And maybe at some point a recognizable pattern or that “thing” will begin to emerge.

Or not. Maybe I'm meant to be all over the place.

Maybe trying to force myself into one thing, one subject, one style (that everyone will like,) is what is blocking me from actually finding my style, subject and thing.

Definitely food for thought right now.

I know my art and colors are not everyone's taste, nor will I most likely be widely known around the world. (Though one can still dream! 😉🙏) But there are 8 billion people on this planet, so I do believe my art, in whatever form it shows up as, will find its perfect audience and eventually Spark enough Souls out there that I can fulfill my dream of being a full time artist.

All it takes is some Magic, and I definitely believe in Magic. 💖

Creative Battle

 

On this beautiful Easter day, my thoughts are centered around the battles I have with myself and creativity - my gift from the Universe.

I saw a video this morning with Elizabeth Gilbert and Russel Brand talking about creativity. I’m totally paraphrasing here but basically Liz talked about this internal battle we so often face. Creatives are given a “thing” (for her its writing, for me its Artistic talent) from this great mysterious place. I call it the Universe and my Soul. Some call it God, or Spirit, or the great unknown….but whatever you call it and wherever it comes from it is unique and special to each of us and part of our purpose in this lifetime.

As we are developing our gift, we often find ourselves in that place of frustration where our work is NOT reflective of what’s in our head. We KNOW what “Good” looks like – we’ve seen it and heard it in others and even in our own minds……yet we ourselves just can’t seem to make what we are working on THAT kind of good (yet). And thus we go to war with ourselves and our creative muse.

We fight with the gift we have been given rather than nurturing it.

We all know practice makes us better. (I hesitate to say perfect, as there is no such thing – tho the perfectionist in me is giving me the hands on hips side eye at that statement lol.) It takes time, lots of learning and trial and error to get “good” at something.

So often we have an amazing idea and see its end result in our imaginings – and the excitement of it drives us to set forth on this creative adventure with stars in our eyes and a skip in our step.

But when the reality doesn’t quite match up….Ego steps in and we start beating ourselves up, even if it was our first attempt at it. We feel like since we imagined it, we SHOULD know how to do this thing we’ve never done before. But when we don’t, we like a failure – who do you think you are to create like THAT – you’re not that good, that smart, that talented. See! That was a stupid idea.

And we stop ourselves before we really even get going.

I can’t tell you how many half-painted canvases and sketchbooks full of ideas I have laying around unfinished and unrealized. Ideas that started off exciting and full of life but hit a roadblock somewhere along the way (either in my head or in their execution or in my lack of time) and instead of finding my way around….I left them abandoned at the side of the easel, thinking maybe someday I’ll be in a better place to finish them.

And there they still sit.

I’ve been drawing and painting in some way or another for almost 50 years. You would think I’d be amazing and uber confident in my abilities by now. And in some areas, I am. 20 some years of painting murals, especially at daycares where I had deadlines and massive amounts of detailed work to get done in a short amount of time – taught me how to be quick and push thru the roadblocks. I feel very confident in my skills and execution of meeting my, and my client’s expectations as a mural artist, even when the logistics of the job itself are overwhelming and frustrating.

But I’m struggling to translate that drive and energy into the fine art studio artist side of things – a world I very much need and want to transition to as a main source of income. 4 heart attacks and lung cancer have taken a toll on my body and energy levels, and I need to move away from the physically demanding labor of standing and climbing ladders and scaffolds all day every day.

I would love nothing more than to spend my days in my studio creating magic and having it fully support me. That is the dream. And I don’t think its an unrealistic one given the talent I have been graced with.

I have yet to zero in on my creative voice tho – that “thing” I’m known for and is easily recognizable as MY style and that draws people to my art and makes them want to buy. I feel like I’m still all over the place – playing and experimenting with whatever Sparks my Soul in each moment - Animals, women, children, abstracts, landscapes, seascapes, trees, swirls, bright colors….so many ideas, so little time, especially with working a day job too.

That lack of focused consistency, and no looming deadlines to meet like I have with mural jobs, AND the frustrations of not always being able to fully translate the images in my head, has me not following thru time after time. It has me fighting a war with my own creativity – wanting it to be better than it currently is, when the only way its gonna get better…..is to keep painting and working on it.

To ALLOW my creativity and ‘voice’ the freedom and joy of playing and manifesting however they want to emerge from me – in their own way and time. To just let go of all expectations and FEEL into the creative process. THAT is where the magic happens. That is zone I LOVE getting lost in and where my Soul is happiest.

But while its easy to say – just do that then - actually doing it tends to be another story.

This is the path of the creative tho. Finding the balance of work and life and indulging the muse – not fighting against it.

So I’ve been working hard at accepting what is. Because it is what it is – this life, this moment, this circumstance or struggle. I may not like what IS. I may want to change everything about what IS – but it still IS right now. And getting upset about it serves no purpose – that won’t change what IS.

The only way to make what IS feel better is to accept it. And allow it to help you take the steps towards the better things you do want.

For me that means finding my way thru the roadblocks, meeting my creative muse on the other side again with an open heart and mind, and seeing where it leads.

Back to easel I go.

Soulful Sunday Musing - Listen to Your Soul

 

Do you LISTEN to your Soul?

Like REALLY LISTEN and follow the whispers (or loud screams) of guidance coming from within you?

Not the voices of others. Not the ego trying to protect you into sticking with the known path because it’s the easiest.

But the voices from deep within YOU.

From way beyond you.

Those gut feelings saying – YES, this!! or Noooo….NOT that. Saying - you deserve better, more, happier! Lets go this other way and see what new and exciting things it holds.  We need more color, fun, laughter, beauty, joy, Love and peace in our life – so lets find that!

It might be super easy to follow those leads…..or it might be really scary and hard.

But if you trust and believe in those Soul messages, your life will be that much richer and more content.

 

For many, MANY years I ignored the gut feelings and directions my heart and soul were trying to get me to hear and move towards. A lifetime of societal, parental and peer conditioning had me towing the line and following the path of SHOULD and people pleasing over my own Soul time and time again  -

I SHOULD listen to, and please my parents and elders ALWAYS. Even when it keeps me small. Even when I KNOW they are in the wrong and not being how a loving parent should be. But no matter how hard I try, I can never seem to do right by them, and I hate the way they make me feel, and even tho they say they love me, their actions say otherwise, and I feel so unloved, unseen and unheard. So I must not be a very good or worthy soul since those closest to me have so many problems with me just being ME. I Should be different than I am.

I SHOULD remain quiet and in the shadows, – it’s safer that way. Standing up for myself always gets me in trouble, or causes confrontation, or may hurt someone else’s feelings in some way. And I’m not supposed to hurt and confront others. I’m supposed to please and get along with ALL. So it’s better to be silent and compliant even if I KNOW I have something to say.

I SHOULD be better at school and get higher grades but no matter how hard I try I still just don’t get it. My brain is not understanding, nothing is sticking. So there must be something wrong with me – I’m just not smart enough or trying hard enough - even tho I KNOW I am where it truly matters.

I just want to paint and create things and I KNOW this is what I was born to do. Why I’m here….. but everyone says that’s not a REAL job. That this path will be a struggle and I might “starve” so I SHOULD have alternate/better plans, and I SHOULD have a college degree to be the most successful, even tho I’m not good at school.

I SHOULD dress and act different than I do so people will want to be my friend and hang around me, even if I KNOW that doesn’t feel authentic to me.

I SHOULD get married because I’m pregnant even tho I KNOW something feels off.

I SHOULD set my career hopes and dreams aside to stay home and raise my children because that’s what a loving wife and mom does – she sacrifices herself for the sake of the family. Right?

I SHOULD stay married for the kids sake and because my husband is a good guy, and because my parents divorce was miserable (and thus I was miserable) and I don’t want that for my kids too….even tho I KNOW everything inside me is wanting to take a different path, and my marriage is NOT my parents marriage nor do the outcomes need to be the same.

I SHOULD be angry and dislike my ex like every other divorced couple I know does – even though I’m the one who wanted out and he’s one of the best people I know, he can always make me laugh, and we had a great friendship and life together for the most part – we just didn’t have that deep soul connection as a couple that we both needed. Something was missing and we just weren’t meant to go the long haul. But I KNOW we can still come out the other side of this in a good place.

I SHOULD ALSO Not like his new wife even though she is awesome and his perfect fit and loves my kids like they’re her own – which was the whole point of divorce – to find our better Soul match.

I SHOULD paint what the majority of people out there want if I want to be successful – NOT what lights me up the most. My colors are “too bright and loud” – nobody wants to hang THAT in their house. I Should tone things down. Even tho I KNOW my fans and buyers are out there – I just need to believe in my art and attract them.

I SHOULD market and run my business like THEY do and say – even tho that doesn’t feel true and right for me. I don’t know exactly what does feel true and right yet – but it’s not THAT way. I KNOW my way is best – I just need to figure out what that is.

I SHOULD follow all the rules and do my best to fit in….when I KNOW I am clearly made to stand out in my own unique way.

 

Yeah…….Fuck all that “Should” shit.  

I SHOULD live my life how I want….not how they think I should.

 

For 40 some years I followed the path of people pleasing –at home, at school, with friends, in my marriage, at work…. putting everyone else’s wants and needs in front of mine to keep the peace and keep them as happy as I could. Even if it made me unhappy.

And Boy was I UNHAPPY inside. For as long as I can remember.

When the screams of my Soul trying to claw its way out of me became too much to ignore – begging me to make big changes with the giant Neon Signs of 4 heart attacks and a back surgery in the span of 7 years, and my body physically AND mentally not allowing me to keep people pleasing and doing things I no longer wanted to do -  I finally began listening to the inner Soul messages I was receiving and following them.

 And my world began to right itself.

 The veil of depression and smallness I’d lived under most of life began to evaporate and the world became more colorful and hopeful.

When I started making myself a priority and doing more of what I enjoyed and wanted – everything just got better. My entire system calmed down and good things aligned and fell into place.

I would love to tell you it was easy to just walk away, just say what needs said and do what you want to do and follow what feels good…..and that I consistently follow my Soul every minute of every day now too. But things are never that easy, and living your Souls dream life takes work and patience.

Doing what’s best for you, is not always best for those around you either (especially at first glance) and that’s a hard thing for a people pleaser to get thru – that your happiness will potentially be someone else’s pain for a while.

It requires a TON of bravery and strength in self to listen and follow your Soul, particularly when others are closely involved. But we can do hard things.

There is also a LOT of long held trauma and ingrained belief systems that need to be healed, loved and let go of along the way. Especially when you are a sensitive empathic Soul like I am who feels what others feel too. My emotions run deep and have been suppressed for decades, typically only released in times of solitude for fear of confrontation. So I’m still learning it’s okay to fully express them, especially in front of others. That doing so helps us grow.

But damn is my SOUL happier overall. And when its not, it means I’m not listening and living authentically again.

 I feel so much more peace when I do listen and follow my gut reactions and guidance.

That is always the core benchmark for me – if its feels good and peaceful inside me – it’s the correct way.

Once you awaken to your Souls messages, acknowledge them, and begin doing the things that make you feel the most Alive – there is no going back without an internal fight. It’s almost torture to NOT follow your inner wisdom - to go back to following the “Shoulds” that life and society tend to demand of you.

This is where stress and anxiety and overwhelm come into play.

Sometimes tho, you may need more time to make that change you most want to make to follow that new path, and it may feel like its eating away at your soul in the meantime. But if you reframe it as a temporary but necessary path on the way to your dreams – it will make it easier to get thru.

Just be aware and don’t allow yourself to get stuck on that hamster wheel, or you’ll fall into the misery trap again.

 Your Soul WILL let you know when its time to go a different way. Your Soul will NEVER steer you wrong – it always knows what is the best way to get you where you are meant to be. And often, the quickest path is also the hardest path which is where the strength and bravery comes in. But its also the most profound and impactful.

 

Along the way be sure to find ways to bring small pockets of joy into your days anyway you can. Sparks of Soul I call them – something that ignites a bit of joy and fire within you.

Life has a way of putting exactly what you need in front of you – if you’re open to seeing it.

Whether it’s a hobby you enjoy, a piece of art that speaks to you, a book or an activity, its important to surround yourself with inspiration and beauty and deeper connection.

Time in nature is one of the best medicines out there and I personally try to take time outside every single day walking or just sitting in the sun with my eyes closed connecting to all that is.

It just makes everything feel alright.

So get quiet and listen. Close your eyes and SEE.

What is your Soul trying to say to you? You KNOW.

You’ve ALWAYS known – you’re just not always paying attention.

Or you’re too stuck in what already is and don’t think you CAN change things up now.

Which is Bullshit.

If you’re still breathing – you CAN build yourself a better life, do things differently.

LIVE!!!

 

So get out there and Rock the Damn Boat! Make waves and jump and play in them too! Build a whole new bigger better boat in all the best colors and styles YOU love. If you don’t know what you love, what you want to do or where you want to go…..then take the time to figure it out.

What Sparks your Soul? What lights you up inside and out? What is calling to you and makes you smile, or brings you a sense of peace? That Ahhhh…..YES…..this feels amazing!! feeling.

THAT is your Soul speaking to YOU.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about your path and likes and dislikes…..only YOU.

We may be living in a world full of people and sharing our lives with a close few. But we are still each one of us on a personal journey of the individual Soul.

So the only thing that truly matters is – are you living your life the way YOU want?

If not…..its time to start listening.